The Battle of Good vs. Evil (in my intestinal tract)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I woke up at a little after 1 a.m. yesterday after a bad dream. (I was on a capsized boat that was going under water--not a good way to wake up.) When I woke, my heart was pounding and my head was spinning and I felt like hammered dog doo.

Figuring that it was just the after effects of the nightmare, I got up and had a glass of water. The hammering in my chest had quit but I still felt pukey and dizzy. Had another glass of water (this time with Alka Selter in it) and felt worse. I finally went back to bed around 3:30 after shutting off my alarm--no way was I going to make it to yoga at 7 a.m.

I got up a little before 8 a.m. and wished I hadn't. I felt as though my head was spinning around ala Linda Blair and my thoughts wouldn't stay still long enough for me to grasp any particular one. Unfair, unfair, unfair! The strongest thing I'd had to drink the night before was chamomile tea and I somehow ended up with The Mother of All Hangovers!

As the day progressed, so did my symptoms--from a queasy stomach to actual stomach pain. From pain in the stomach to pain slowly making its way south. Did I somehow ingest the rats that were deserting the sinking ship in my dream? Were they trying to claw their way out of my body ala "Alien?" (Have I watched too many horror movies?)

Eventually, the burbling started. I couldn't decide whether it was the death cries of the rats or victory cry of the aliens or if something even worse was going on but it was pretty awful. (Yes, the mind and the body are intimately connected and yes, I was light-headed and dizzy and not altogether "there" mentally.)

The war played out until late last night--with all the details of the battlefield carnage that you can imagine but which I will mercifully spare you except to say that it involved poison gas. Lots and lots of poison gas.

Today, though, is different. Today I have declared victory over the Forces of Evil and I'm moving on with my life.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Scarily descriptive. BTDT and don't want to again any time soon. (shudder) One particular series of episodes occurred until I figured out the huge jug of ranch dressing was NOT my friend. And the worst part of that was that somehow the dogs got it too. It wasn't pretty.

    Glad you triumphed.
    4002 days ago
    I suppose you had to spend your windfall on pink pepto. It just is not fair.
    PS: Keep your flu on your side of the river!
    4005 days ago
    Oh my! I hate being sick. Go easy on yourself the next few days, you don't want a recurrence!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4005 days ago
    Oh, sweetie! I feel your pain! Were you on antibiotics recently?

    Live-culture yogurt is your friend.

    4005 days ago
    Ick and ugh! No fun. Glad you're on the up and up now. Do you know what it was??
    4005 days ago
    Sorry you felt so crummy, Elsie_Bee! Tummy troubles are just no fun at all. Glad to hear you're doing so much better, though!
    4005 days ago
    So glad you're feeling better. Isn't it amazing how something as so small as microbes can make us feel so lousy? Take care of yourself!
    4005 days ago
    Sounded totally gruesome. I'm glad you are better!!
    4005 days ago
    Next time eat 2 TBSP of ballpark mustard and the knots of gas will unclench a lot quicker .
    4005 days ago
  • LLEWIS6879
    OMG!!!! Hilarious!!! There was a terrible stomach virus going around up here in NJ earlier in the spring and my best friend had it, with a vengence!!!

    It also started with pain, involved dizzy and disoriented, in addition to some actual passing out which was probably more closely associated with dehydration brought on by both the Northern and Southern symptoms, often occurring concurrently!!!!

    I will say, she had an accident, that, while not at all funny at the time, is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS now...

    As she was dragging herself out of bed for perhaps the 20th time to rush to the bathroom, she didn't make it and pooped on the dog as she tried to step over her!!

    Thank god her husband was home at the time.

    Lasted almost exactly 24 hours and then she was fine. Weak, down 7 pounds, but none the worse for the wear.
    It's just not fair though. You work harder and suffer more for that weight-loss than any other. Seems like you should get to keep it...
    We have to talk to someone about that...

    Glad you're better.
    4005 days ago
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