MADTOWNBUDDHA

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Wednesday Morning...

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I'm doing my best and that's the best I can do. I've felt this kinda crazy before in my life and truth be told that's about the hardest thing to sit with..."Am I crazy?"

I'm not, in my heart, in my guts I don't believe I'm crazy...but sometimes it sure feels like it. Living this life has been absolutely awesome, but exhausting and sometimes very, very lonely. I'm going to do my best today to just show up for myself, no big master plan or high expectations, just gonna try and get beyond this painful period a little bit at a time.

My life is going to be different going forward, scares me to death...almost.

I'm here, not lost...just finding my way and trying to survive these feelings.

Thank you to my friends here that have taken the time to express their support in such gentle and loving ways...thank you!

I'll be back again tomorrow, and the next day too...Ryan
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JANEYINMADTOWN
    Thank you for checking in....remember this too shall pass and you will be living a healthy, happy life...we're here for you!
    4095 days ago
  • MSEVERLAST
    We'll be here tomorrow and the next day too!

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    4095 days ago
  • MT-MOONCHASER
    I think CarolAnn27 has nailed it for the last couple of days. Her comments sound real good to me especially as she comes from a place of experience dealing with these things.
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    I know it is hard.

    Good luck with whatever decision you come to.
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    4095 days ago
  • MASRITE
    All we ask is for you to do your best. Hope things are getting better for you. Have you used those boxing gloves yet? Try them out, Ryan!! Keep up your hard work. You're worth it all.
    4095 days ago
  • SHELLY_DO
    I am glad to see that you blog'ed today. Hang in there. I am having one of those "bad" days also. In the next couple of days everything will seem better.
    4095 days ago
  • CAROLANN27
    Hi Ryan,

    I held my breath as I signed onto your page this morning and was happy when I saw the color change because that meant you had been here and hopefully had blogged.

    This journey back to health can be really scary, and as someone else said, we don't know where it's going. But we do know it's going in the direction of healing. Please remember, you have a LOT of friends going with you and we'll always be here.

    As to whether you're going crazy, I like what Mike said---no more than the rest of us. However, I would like to make one comment. If you are in a dysfunctional relationship with the person you had the blow-out with, that person would a whole lot rather make you feel crazy than have to examine his/her own responsibilities in life.

    My experience in the area comes from my own experience with my mother and my daughter's experience with her father. In both cases, the parents needed to make US look wrong (crazy, doubt ourselves) so THEY could be right. It's bass-ackwards, but that's how dysfunctional people interact. I hope you can realize you are the one who is on the right track, and not let those games throw you.

    You're really strong, and so smart to just be there for yourself. That's a major thing to be able to do. Be good to yourself and remember you have a HUGE fan club wishing you well and cheering for every step you take!

    Carol
    4095 days ago
  • BFITBY48
    You can not control what others say and do around you. When someone wants to put all the blame on you it is because they have issues that they need to deal with. You are dealing with yours and doing a great job. You have been strong enough to know that you need to change and you are working towards that goal. Good for you. Keep it up and know that your sp friends are here to support you and applaud all your efforts.
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    4095 days ago
  • NEWLIBRARIAN
    You are on a journey and sometimes that is scary we can never be 100% sure where it leads. Glad to see you are back on line and commited to moving forward.
    4096 days ago
  • no profile photo RAMJLM
    Good for you Ryan! Just a quick note....as each of us discover the answers to the following questions....life (and inner joy) takes on a whole new meaning.
    1) Who am I?
    2) Where is the source of my origin- where did I come from?
    3) Why am I here- what is my purpose in this life?
    4) When all is said and done and this life is history, then what? Where will I be?
    Good luck! You can do it - just hang in there!
    4096 days ago
  • JSTCHLIN
    You're not crazy, well no more then the rest of us! And lonely, their is no way you should feel lonely with over 2 million active members on SP.

    Always here,

    Mike
    4096 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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