Weight Loss.... never really enough?????
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
All throughout the surgery process I never REALLY made a final goal weight for myself. I never really thought I could get to what is considered to be a "normal" weight or BMI. I just figured I would get to where ever I could, and be happy with it. (In the beginning) All I ever really wanted was to get under the 200lb mark. When that happened back in December, I was happy...........but I realized it wasn't nearly enough! I still was not happy with what I saw (naked) in the mirror. So then I was kind of undecided as to how much more weight was good enough. So I thought about it, and the closer I closed in on my husband, the more I got to feeling that if I could just weigh less than him I would be happy. Now that I weigh less than him, I am feeling that it is not nearly enough. I am now within about 15 lbs of being at a normal weight and BMI for my height. So I have set a new goal. I would like to get to 155. Right now I am 170 so if I drop 15 more I will be at 155. However, I am still sitting here thinking that 15lbs is not that much. Will I really see a difference in the mirror after 15 more pounds? I really do not think so. So if I am able to drop 15 more pounds will I be happy? I do not think so. So will I ever feel like it is enough. I have come to realize that at this stage in the game it is not so much about the number on the scale as it is how I feel about my looks. When I look at someone (who has never been majorly over weight) who weighs what I weigh, I think they look great. I have even seen my pt. who weigh what I weigh and think wow she looks great. But, as long as I have all this baggy skin, I think I will never be happy with my "weight" (looks). The skin tricks my mind into believing that I weigh much more than I really do. I do not see 170 5'6.5 woman. I see a 5'6.5 240 pound woman, all due to the skin!!!!!!!