Having a really, really rough day

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

So today has been a pretty bad day, a pretty depressing day. What started it all off was that I stepped on to my scale this morning and it gave me a very nice number until I realized that perhaps I shouldnt try standing on it while it is on the rug, so I took it to the kitchen and immediately it shot back a number about 5 pounsd heavier. Needless to say I have been fooling myself to think that I actually haven't gained back any of the weight I lost, which in fact I have gained back about 5-7 pounds. This started off the bad day I was going to have on a very very horrible note. There after I found myself just falling into that state of bashing myself mentally. I always do this to myself, take time off cause life just catches up to me and I then fall off the band wagon all together, and HELLO weight is back! My wedding is about 2 months away and I am NO where near where I want to be weight wise. Then the depressing spiral began!

I am about 2 hours away from where I grew up and friends are now far and few between. Actually, who am I kidding, there are none. One friend that I was friends with for about 6 or so years comes and goes when it pleases her. And the hurtful part is she had done so much more for other friends that are always doing her wrong. Anyways, recently after we closed on our house, she disappeared again and never bothered to say congrats. Anyways I can go on and on...point being is that I realized that the 1 friend that I felt very close to, was never a friend to begin with. The phone never rings with a girlfriend on the other end to see how I am doing. Just another aspect of my life that really gets to me sometimes. Especially since I am home all alone all day while my Fiances son is at school and the fiance is at work.

Then all I can think about is how "fat" I am going to look on my wedding day. I can't stand looking in the mirror, cant stand my plain Jane face. I know the pictures are going to come out horrible, cause my low self-esteem is going to be brightly showing through.

And then I had absolutely no motivation to do anything today, not to workout, not to eat and then when I did it was all junk. Lol I sound like a soap opera. One moment in time I am ready to give it my all, then life hits me and I fall off, gain some back and then beat myself up for having wasted all the time it took to lose it. I finally have the time now to devote a lot of time to working out. I wanted to start doing cardio every day on top of P90X. I know I can handle it since I have a dancing background. I just kinda want to give up. Definitely down in the dumps with a ton of things, even though I have so much to be happy for. Ya go Me for finding all thats wrong in my life NOT!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Time to kick Negative Nancy to the curb!! ;) I've been kinda blah lately, too.. we need to both kick her out of our lives!
    I just have to say though, i weighed myself on the carpet once, and i was 90 lbs (HA!)... then i went to the hardwood floor, and i was 155... so at least you didnt' gain that much weight!!! hahah. :)
    You're beautiful, and you WILL be beautiful on your wedding day, no matter what!!! It will be the best day of your life so far, and you can't let yourself be sad about your weight!
    Keep your chin up, girlie!! :)
    3942 days ago
    WEll time to turn that frown upside down and do something about all these things. Get involved in fitness activities to meet people. Chances are many of them will have some of the same goals as you do. Try a zumba class or a jogging group. Good luck..everyone has their down times!
    3942 days ago
  • SBERG82
    Yes it may be a waste of time...but somestimes I need to get it out on "paper" instead of fishing through thoughts in my head. Trust me I dont like playing the Woe Is Me game, but sometimes my human side gets the better of me lol. Tomorrow is a different day and I will try my hardest to move on from all this. Thanks for all the pick-me up comments...appreciate this website tremedously, can always turn here to SP. I am off to make tomorrow's schedule...hopefully making a schedule for myself will help me stay focused on what needs to get done!
    3943 days ago
    Hun, I completely understand about friend's not reciprocating keeping in contact. I'm in the same boat myself...I moved 2 states away for grad school, and other than my fiance and my parents, only one other friend has come to visit. Well, one stopped by for the night, because I was a convenient stop on the way from her internship back to our hometown. I know it's hard, and it sucks, and when this situation gets to me all I want to do is eat greasy fried things with chocolate things for dessert. All day.

    But you have 2 months still to go. And while you might not get to your "goal," you can still make some serious progress here!! And taking a day to be in the dumps is, in my book, completely normal and not that uncommon. This weight loss business, on top of wedding planning, on top of LIFE, is hard!! So you've taken your day today. Tomorrow is a fresh start to eat healthy, hit the gym, and remember that we can still loose weight after the wedding is over :D

    You can do it!!
    3943 days ago
    Sounds like there is nothing to be happy about right now. Right? WRONG!

    Bashing yourself and others is often a reaction to fear. You are getting married and that is scary no matter how much you love your soon to be DH. Your life is changing and you are afraid of the unknown.

    So, sleep it off and get up and start a new day. Stop the bashing. It's a waste of time.
    3943 days ago
  • DRJJ2004
    Pull yourself up by your bootstraps chickie!! You've got 2 months to do something or do nothing! Do you want to be right here where you are now in 2 months! NOPE!! 2 months can make a difference!!! If you are doing what you're supposed to, YOU WILL be feeling good about yourself. won't be at your goal, but you will feel better about yourself cuz you know you're on the right track and that YOU WILL get there!! Hang in there!! You can do it!!
    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have friends like that too. Try and make some new ones, take a class, volunteer, church, hospital. You'd be amazed how easy it is to find new ones. :O) Or take the inititive and call up some old ones that you've lost touch with. Sometimes all it takes is for us to make the effort. Life gets busy, people get busy. It's all about making the time.

    3943 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5949287
    We all go through periods of time like this. Upside - exercise can improve your mood!
    You'll get through it. And you'll be beautiful on your wedding day. Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things that I've ever done, so I feel you on that. Just take care of yourself!
    3943 days ago
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