Happy Mother's Day! Well, NOT really!

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Today is one of the worse "holidays" for me. Today is Mother's Day. Why is this such a hard day for me? I am not, nor never have been, close to either of my mother's.

Yes, I've had (got) two mother's. I was raised a foster child, and *adopted at age 30 (no that is NOT a typo), *at my request, and yet i don't speak to either of them. Haven't seen nor heard from them in years. My birth mother thinks of me as DEAD! My adopted mom and i don't speak nor do i care to. Long story there!

The pain is horrible of not having a mother. I long so badly for a mom. I have even thought of putting an ad in the paper asking if anyone, preferrably someone without children of her own and may have always wanted them, would want to adopt me. Love me and i would love her in return. I would want nothing from her other than her love. I would want to give to her and spoil her rotten. This is pretty sad actually of wanting to put an ad in the paper but i don't know how else to go about it.

Have i done that? NO! Doesn't really seem feasible, not to mention the cost. Plus who on earth does something like that anyway. There has to be another way to find a mom! I just don't know what that is.

I tell my therapist that she would have it easy really because i'm potty trained, can feed myself, am schooled, early fifties, even married so she'd have a son in law. :) What more could one lucky woman want! (grinning big writing that).

I just have a HUGE hole in my soul, in my heart, that i know only a mother could fill. To think i may die with that hole never filled, sickens me, brings me to tears.

So, this is why (in a nutshell) that Mother's Day is so hard for me and will always be if and when i, too, can find a mother to both love and be loved from. If you are out there in the world somewhere, i pray that someday God will bring us together!

Happy Mother's Day wherever you are!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CHEVY63
    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this pain. I hope this day goes well for you. emoticon
    2940 days ago
    Polyanasunshine: Thanks so much for your kind words! They do mean a lot to me.

    Curvycc: I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's death in November. You are so right about the love of God! I couldn't agree more on that one.

    Nbjaggal: Sorry to hear about your mom's death too.

    Hugs to you all!
    2940 days ago
  • JDYJMM2000
    I know the feeling. I found mine through my church. I have friends that are wonderful. I know it is hard but surrender it to God and He does provide.
    2940 days ago
    Sorry to hear all that. But you do have a huge spark family that loves you. emoticon
    2940 days ago
    The void you are trying to fill can only be filled with and by the love of God. You must love yourself. My mother died in November 2009. This is my first time celebrating Mother's Day without my mother, and I choose to rejoice not be burdened with sadness. I pray, "Father, come into my sister's life, show her the greatest love. Amen."

    emoticon emoticon
    2940 days ago
    Lucky? I don't feel lucky. Sorry to hear about your childhood though. Hugs to you too!
    2940 days ago
    consider yourself lucky. Mine destroyed my childhood so bad I have PTSS. emoticon
    2940 days ago
    Mothers Day is hard for me too.......lost my mom 14 yrs ago and still feel the hole.
    2940 days ago
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