Swimming the river CRAP!

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Sigh...Hey everyone...I'd like to introduce you to another of my many personalities and alter ego's. (She's not very pleasant - so, please stop and consider...and enter if you dare). ; )

And I don't just mean swimming...the river CRAP...I mean swimming the river CRAP upstream - against the F@#*ing current. And does anybody notice? No! Does anybody f@#*ing care? NO! Does anybody lend a hand??? NO!!!

I have, for good reason, detached myself from most of my family of origin. I moved from my hometown and lost touch with the good friends I had from my hometown mostly because I was busy killing myself trying to be THE BEST F@#*ing single mom in the world. I am now very particular with whom I share my truest self. Like many of you, I've been hurt a lot. AND I'm so "different" not too many people would understand, should I let them in...I've gotten to the point where I'm too tired to care if I'm understood by the masses. I'm weird. I know it. It's me. And I don't f#@*ing care.

So...I end up in the spot I'm in today...with no one to talk to or help me out and really pi$$ed off about life. At these times, the personality who appears to be in charge (no, I'm not truly schizophrenic) takes over and tries to get me to believe that I don't care...about anything...and that I am a victim...of EVERYTHING.

I know I have been victimized over the years (who hasn't been)...but, I really do care...I really do want to be happy and healthy and positive and content with who I am and they way things are...right now.

I'm good at telling other people how to work themselves out of a "mood"...SO much better than I am at helping myself. This particular part of me though...who really isn't a huge part of my life anymore, is a really strong force...it can lead me to some yucky places I don't want to go.

I am frustrated and sad right now...I am tired of trying so hard and not getting what I deserve back from the universe (I'm sorry universe...she said it, not me). ; )

I need to move out of this place and grab hold of something comforting and good for me. What comes to mind is an entire THANKSGIVING dinner! ; )

I'm just sooooo tired.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey girl I did say it and I just checked my email--NOTHING! Send it when you can...

    PS you know I've gotta make you smile! :D

    What would you do without me?
    3674 days ago
    Girl!!! Your did NOT just say "big girl panties" to me?!?!?


    You are one in a million. I emailed you.
    3675 days ago
    Girl....sometimes things just SU*CK huh? and for no apparent reason...The truth is that it could be MUCH worse. I know that might not make ya feel better but it could be. Focus on what's good in your life and put your big girl panties on and deal with the "not so good" head on--cause it aint going away.

    Know that I am here for you--if you need to talk, fuss, cuss, scream--whatever--I'll be here to listen. He*ll I might get mad about something and join you! (smile)

    I hope whatever's got you down--passes and soon.

    Hugs 2 ya!
    3675 days ago
    I don't have a turkey dinner ready, but you're invited for pinto beans and cornbread if you want to come over!

    The good news is that it passes, or at least it eases up a bit. Here's hoping it leaves your head really soon.
    3675 days ago
    So sorry you're in a sad place right now.
    Please know we're here for you.
    3675 days ago
    Thanks for the support. What is it about humans that makes us think once we overcome something there won't be anything else??? It really is an expectation issue, isn't it?

    I'm sorry about your wife's illness...I'm sure nothing can compare to going thru cancer or having a spouse or child go thru it. I can relate to the trouble with your daughter...tho mine finished school (where she was an amazing student with a ton of potential)...she immediately left home upon graduation and starting drinking too. She messed up her life really good before she got it back together again. She's 26 now and much better. It's tough isn't it?

    Anyway...thanks for taking the time to help me climb up out of that dam* river!

    3675 days ago
    Hugs! This too shall pass. I think we all reach that point where we feel it would be easier to surrender to the current than it would be to continue swimming. Stay strong.

    It's been a crap year in our household as well. My wife had breast cancer last year and we spent months with her on chemo and radiation. Then my then 17 year old daughter went wild during this and capped it off last month after turning 18 with dropping out of school, moving out, and proceeding to drink her way through her life.

    3675 days ago
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