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What Got Me Here......

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

When I first started on my spark journey 16 months ago I was so upset with myself. Upset that once again, I let myself get out of control and gain massive amounts of weight. My lowest adult weight was 224 lbs (size 14). Were talking years of weight going up, up up and down. My weight has always been a reflection of what was going on in my life. If my life was a mess, I was gaining. If things were going well, I was losing. I would know when I was a mess and gaining, but emotionally could not get a hold of myself. I was never strong enough emotionally to deal with whatever issue I might have had going on in my life and take care of myself. It was like I reverted to survival mode whenever something went bad. Life for me has never been easy and unfortunately it has contained plenty of bad times.

A few years ago, I realized there was huge connection between my weight and my emotions. When I was good (emotionally) my weight was good and stable. When things got out of control emotionally, so did my weight. I guess I should give some examples of life gone bad-divorce, child custody battles, loss of a job, husband cheating, abusive relationships both physical and emotional. Don't get me wrong here. I am not screaming victim. I am grateful for every painful moment today. Without pain, there is no growth. I have become a stronger, wiser woman over the years. I have finally made the mind-body connection. Everyday I work on myself emotionally and physically. As a result, I am becoming a better friend, mother, partner and person. My health is improving. I am gaining control over my weight. This journey, for me, is just not about weight loss. It is about exploring and working on the issues that got me here in the first place.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TONI2011
    Where are you? I'm noticing you haven't posted since April of last year. You're story is wonderfully encouraging so I hope you are still ok
    3566 days ago
  • BAMBOO70
    You are so right! It is all about more than the weight...I'm just starting to make that connection now...as I have noticed that my weight fluctuates with emotional times in my life as well. I wish you all the best - You are doing fantasic :)
    3743 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5631914
    I couldn't have written it better. Thank you for sharing your story. You are very motivating to me. emoticon
    3756 days ago
  • POLLYWOGBOG
    How did you turn your thought processes around? I worked at Curves-knew many women with the same weight issues as me. I know what to eat-how to cook it-how much is the correct portion....etc. I just can't seem to get my mind wrapped around the idea that we eat when we are hungry. I eat for all other reasons. I know I am an emotional eater. I just don't know how to stop myself. I had lost weight before. Total control of my eating. I don't know how to get back there. Any suggestions would be soooo appreciated. I can give all of myself to encourage others...then I would go home and eat. Sigh! Fell so out of control. But I do see the light around the corner.
    3774 days ago
  • WILDFLOWER-
    It is ever so important to review the path we've taken. I congratulate you for doing this.

    There is a Talking Heads song called "Once in a Lifetime". In this song there is a lyric "This is not my beautiful life..". How do you know if it's your life or not - if you don't review it? See where you've been & where you'd like to go. This is vital for someone - like us - who have lost a lot of weight and do not ever want to go there again.

    Life is not what happens to you - it's how you react to it. And this blog is a fine example of how to review that. Good for you!!! It's huge that you've put together this emotional connection. Now you'll hopefully recognize this in the future and correct it when you need to. And that, my friend, is AWESOME!

    Keep up the great work! Blogs like this, along with your 90 pound loss will ensure not only your weight loss goals but your over all health for the rest of your life!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3835 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4307074
    I am feeling your first paragraph today. The stress is getting to me, and my weight is ballooning up toward my HW again. I can't go back there: I can't. I need to pep myself back up again because I AM NOT FEELING IT TODAY. Step one: a nice salad for lunch.
    3835 days ago
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