Totally stressed. Venting.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I am so stressed.
I'm in graduate school (read: I'm a masochist/make poor life choices) and have been super sick for the past year. Lots of surgeries to help with symptoms of a larger problem. This "larger problem" has stumped the doctors in my area. It's super frustrating not having answers.
That being said, I need to graduate asap. I've been working on a thesis that I've put tons of blood, sweat and tears into. I really believe in my premise. I honestly believe in its heuristic value. I believe in what I'm saying. I'm not just writing something to get out of here. It's meaningful & important.
And I have to let it go.
I have to switch from writing my thesis to doing an internship. Continuing my thesis work would tack on at least another semester or two until graduation. Not to mention, I'd still be required to stay in the area if I continued. An internship is leading me to D.C. I'll be able to live with my sister instead of living alone, which my doctors have advised me against. Not to mention, I'd have access to better healthcare.
It's the right decision. I know it is. I just feel like I'm in mourning. Letting go of something you believe in is really hard.
So that's stressful. But then there are the logistics of such a big change.
I have to go through my department to make the switch. Lots of paperwork and red tape to deal with. Not to mention, the personalities of the people I'm dealing with aren't exactly warm. Stroking professor's egos has never been my thing, but I'll play the game to just get it over with. It's a tightrope walk for sure.
I also have to move. Pack my stuff up, put everything in storage, get out of my apartment, and make the drive to DC.
Luckily, I'll be working for a really amazing non-profit that is doing great things in the D.C. area. Having that off the to-do list is definitely a blessing.
Doing the internship itself is not a cakewalk. I have to write a 30 page lit review, put together a portfolio, take a 6 hour exam and do a 2 hour oral defense of my exam answers. Having all of that hanging over my head doesn't exactly help with my stress level/anxiety.
I know I need to prioritize. One thing at a time. I'm just super overwhelmed. I think I'd be overwhelmed regardless, but being sick on top of everything doesn't help at all.
Sorry to vent, my dear spark friends. Writing down everything helps. I know in a few months grad school will be over, one way or another. It's just getting from here to there that sucks.