21 day results
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Although I didn't see the 190.6 of Sunday, I was 192.6. This is my own fault. The phentermine is working great however I still haven't overcame my "need" to eat in the evening all together. I was doing good and then I started feeling tired and stressed. This lead to me eating about 1/2 of not really diet friendly macadamia nuts. On the flip side, even as I was eating them, I knew I didn't "need" them. I wasn't hungry and I realized that as I popped one after another into my mouth. I think I have a lot more "inner" work that I need to do.
Tonight when I get home the scale is getting put away. I'm going to put it somewhere where I'll have to work really really hard to get it. It will come back out next Monday night in anticipation for next Tuesday's weigh in. The scale for me is a double edged sword. It motivates me and then it also gives me the "ok" to over eat because hey after all I lost some weight! It controls my moods which is just stupid. If I've lost some weight, I over eat. If I've gained some weight, I over eat. Either way my beloved scale is my worse enemy. So away it goes tonight. I will free myself from the scale.
I've never talked about my kid sister. There is 8 yrs between us. I'm on one end of the eating disorder spectrum and my kid sister is on the drastic other. Since she was about 6, I knew that there was something wrong. I tried to talk to our mother about this but was always ignored. This was at the same time that I remember I started binging. Either way, my sister is now getting help. She is 23. A couple weeks ago her chest was hurting so she went to the ER. Nothing really came of that but apparently the state has stepped in. She is 5' 8" and weighing in at a whole 98 lbs with clothes on. They wanted to admit her because of her malnutrion but she wouldn't do it. Now apparently her town is giving her food and she is expected to eat 2000 calories a day. Now everyone is OMG how didn't we know??? I've been talking about this for years. Even recently.. they didn't know because I'm fat. And so it was "oh well she just thinks everyone is too thin because she's fat". SMH- I'm irrated by the situation. My mother now feels like my sister will be magically cured. I tried explaining to her that isn't how it works but it's like talking to a brick wall. Ok- I'm done ranting.
Life is still good!~