Love, Life and Loss
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I know I don't blog much, but right now I just need to get some thoughts out on "paper." So, if you care to listen, come along. If not, it's ok. This is mostly for me anyway.
On March 15, 2010 I found out I was expecting our second baby. It was a little bit of a surprise, but not an unhappy one at all. I love my first child SO much and was very excited about him being a big brother! Both my husband and I felt that this one would be a baby girl.
On April 23, 2010 I went to my first doctor's appointment and had a sonogram. That, I can honestly say, was the worst moment of my life so far. Apparently, the baby had stopped growing several weeks ago, but my body doesn't know it yet.
Now, I'm in the process of grieving a child I'm technically still carrying but whose soul has gone to Heaven. My husband and I had a name picked out if the baby was a girl, Joy Makayla, and we have decided to use that name for our baby. I'm a believer in Christ and I do know that I'll see my child in Heaven someday. That hope is one of the only things making this whole experience easier.
I know so many women have gone through this, but honestly I never understood how heartbreaking and devastating it could be. If I get through this, I do want to be able to help other women who experience the loss of a baby.
Right now, I'm waiting to either naturally miscarry or I'll have to have medical intervention if it doesn't happen soon. Really, I just want this whole nightmare over so I can have some closure and someday soon start trying for another little one.
Joy Makayla, Mommy and Daddy love you. We'll remember you always and can't wait to meet you someday. Until then, tell your great Grandma and Grandpa I love and miss them too. I know they're glad to have you with them.