Weight Loss or Perfection?
Friday, April 16, 2010
I should be high-maintenance and perfect! Right? I know that's what I want...perfection, and I know as I'm thinking about what that means to me, that it's also my downfall.
What does it mean to me? (Playboy bunny girl lol) It means that when I hit that goal weight, I picture a fit, tight body, tan, hair dyed with no roots, mani-pedi, white teeth, wardrobe that fits every occasion... and everything else would be perfect too, of course.
Let's face it, I was once 265, even now @ 40 pds down...my belly skin is not exactly...tight. I'm not sure that my mental picture is possible...and I'm not sure WHAT is really attractive, to others that is. I, personally, like skin to look full...there have been weight gaining times where I thought I looked better. Is thinner always better than proud overweight person/bbw? Health wise yes. Attraction wise...I don't know, I think it's kind of deflated looking now...sigh.
So, the fix it options are: 1. gain weight and fill it back out 2. keep losing and make sure i keep doing things that help create muscle, maybe bathe in lotions, and hope that if I reach 180 and really stay there that everything will catch up...
There is something ill-logical about my even wondering whether not losing weight is a choice. Sometimes I just wish I could concentrate on weight loss without obsessing over it. I don't hate my body, but when I'm 'dieting' it is hard to do it without being mean to myself.