I am going to do it, I don't care what I say!!!
Friday, April 16, 2010
I am sitting here about to commit to something that inside my brain is a BIG DEAL. I'm not sure it really is a big deal, but it feels like a big deal...
Yesterday, I was thinking about the fact that after a couple of really good days of eating, on Wednesday night I found myself doing that horrible mindless nighttime eating. And the worst part of it was that I was upstairs already, had no great need to come back downstairs, and could and should have simply stayed up there. But I came down, and it was almost like I was on a mission to eat. Yet, I was not hungry, I had had a late dinner, I had a little sweet something..I was completely satisfied. I was, however, aggravated at my son, who was doing his job and challenging me, but that's not all that unusual an occurrence, so not out of the norm. So down I came, and what started with a handful of whole grain cheese its ended with a handful of jelly beans and a couple of cookies.. Given the eating day I had had, honestly, even with those items I probably was close to the upper edge of my calorie range, but that's not the point..it was junky, non-nutritional food I was eating for no reason that has anything to do with why you should eat.
I am beyond beating myself up for these kinds of days, but I am not beyond trying to figure out the hows and whys and how to stops... So yesterday afternoon, while waiting for DS to come out of school, I was sitting in my car, reading my The Spark (yes, I'm still reading it). I began writing down some goals as a result of my reading, and I then began just writing.. I can truthfully say I don't know how or why the thought of making my food journal public came into my brain, but I was simply amazed at my internal reaction: "NO!!!" my little voice shouted. My logical voice said, "why not?" My inner voice said "I don't know! But NO!!" My logical voice said, and continues to say: "hmmmmm, what is this about??"
Well, from reading The Spark and from all my surfing around on SP, one of the things I have learned is that moving forward is about moving from the comfort zone of our lives to the uncomfortable, doing things that are new and good for us. I completely agree with that philosophy. So, even though I don't know exactly why my inner me is not too happy about this, I do know it will be made uncomfortable by doing it.
I also know, of course, it's about public accountability. It's about putting it out there. Not, mind you, that I don't readily talk about when I've taken the plunge off the cliff of good eating, I do..yet..this seems different. Then, my GonnaBFitMoms challenge this week included using the nutrition tracker, and it made perfect sense that this is the time to do it.
So I pledge to use the tracker, starting today. And to make it public. Let's see....