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Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Maintenance is No Joke, as many people have pointed out.

I personally am struggling with the eating part of it; the exercise is pretty well locked in, with training for a half-iron Aquabike event in July (1.2 mi open water swim followed by 56 miles on the bike).

On Monday the scale read 165. *gulp*

It was probably due in a large part to salt from Easter dinner (ham, pickled green beans, cheese, etc.) Regardless, it was very unwelcome and shocking.

On my ticker I'm reporting the weighted moving average on Physics Diet because it smooths out the fluctuations that happen near goal.

The point, though, is that I AM struggling. I am not giving up. Never again. And I'm going back to what works for me. Protein. I think even the complex carbs of oatmeal have been too much for my system.

And as GRACEFULIFE has suggested privately, I need to stabilize my calories around 2000 and stop messing around with trying to go lower. That just makes me hungry the next day and sets me up for a potential binge.

I still also struggle mentally with self-esteem and the feeling that I'm super obese, a human anomaly who doesn't physically fit in society. 80-90% of the time I forget that I'm now a size 8-10 and still feel miserable about how my life is slipping by while I live in a coffin of fat. Phantom fat is real.

Yes I have been going to counseling. But these are well-worn mental ruts that will take some time to bust out of.

So, onward. I will beat this. I have to. Because regain is simply not an option. I refuse to go there.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I saw a post on this site the was titled "it's hard to be overweight, it's hard to lose weight, and its hard to maintain, decided which one you want." I think about that alot. I took it to mean that they are hard in three different ways, but I imagine that the stages are harder for different people. Let me say you look fabulous. You should be so proud. I myself have yo-yoed but fortunately only with 30-40pds. I have told myself not again. So maintance is hard for the both of us. You lost the weight by lifestyle change, so that is the first BIG step in the right direction. You have choosen a healthy lifetyle. But now the trick is to find the maintance balance. Wow, this gets really complicated. You will find it, just keep working at it and getting as much imput as you can. but don't beat yourself up to much if you are not perfect. A little Easter ham, 15 more minutes than normal on your run. Good luck and you are very inspirational. I have a recent video of me riding my horse, and I didn't realize how much I have changed either. I suppose it take a while to change your mental body image. I still pick up clothes that are to big off the rack. I can imagine how much more that is an issue for you. Enough rambling and off to the gym. My first mini spint tri is in July.
    2964 days ago
  • DARA52
    Wow. I'm so glad I saw this entry. I am 15 lbs from "Goal" and have been sabotaging myself for the last 3 months. The old me would have gained 20 lbs by now so I feel successful that I haven't gained. Maybe if I reset my goal to this weight, 150, I'll relax. It's a long way from 214 and my health has improved. I cannot, nor can you, take away from that!

    Do you feel better? Of course you do. That is a major goal in itself. Congratulations for living your life with such gusto! Good luck in your training.
    2965 days ago
    I know what you are saying....you feel like an overweight person in a thin body. Well, to be blunt, what I say I feel like is a fat person in a thin body. I don't believe I am thin so I still don't look in mirrors and still don't want my picture taken and if by chance I see a picture of me, I'm amazed that I don't have that big round face anymore. Very weird. But I think that MOM5inFL had such great and interesting advice. I'm glad you wrote this blog and I'm glad to have been able to read everyone's comments in it. It's all very helpful.
    2965 days ago
    I saved this on my hard drive so I can find it when I am ready to maintain.
    I'm currently 231lbs after a 29 pound weight loss.
    I have never "maintained" before so I am planning to this time.
    My biggest loss before this one was 28lbs... OMG!!! I just realise that as of this morning... I recorded my biggest loss EVER!!!

    I'd appreciate some feedback on this: One of my "coping with maintenance" strategies is to treat every plateau as a maintenance phase. So I avoid hounding down a drop in weight when I'm at a plateau and aim to simply maintain that weight. Once I drop from that plateau I aim to make the new weight my set weight and be happy there. I find it keeps me alot calmer and I do not frak out with a fluctuation of 2lbs. 3 or more and I take small action. "Small" because I find big action to be counter productive as it increases my anxiety and self loathing.

    What do you all think??
    (You might consider reading my blog "FEAR: False Evidence appearing real" I'd appreciate your feedback on that as well.)
    2965 days ago
    You know I'm going to have to comment on this entry!!! I have been in your shoes and I expect to be in your shoes again. You are going through the weight maintenance crisis! I hope your transition through this stage is shorter than mine! I really believe that a large part of this crisis comes from not getting the positive reinforcement from the scale. Also, there is a disappointment with not getting to the original goal set. Your body (and mine did too) has picked a number. If you try to push past this point it will resist by forcing you into behaviors that will further upset you and make it more difficult to maintain your weight.

    I know it's easier said than done, but you need to pick a new goal weight based on what is relatively easy to maintain. This number can change, but pick your most recent number. When I finally decided to stop chasing my original goal weight I picked 158-160 for my final goal because that's where I seemed to get stuck. My lowest was 148 but it was too difficult to maintain. I got back down to 150 for the People magazine shoot, but as soon as I relaxed where did my weight go??? Right back to 158-160. But, when it went back up I was a lower body fat percent due to more muscle. I still sit here this morning at 158. So, it is what it is. And my body is still remodeling by the way....and I'm still the same weight.

    When I first got down to around maintenance range I had a period when I started to binge like crazy. It's an interesting phenomenon. Perhaps it was around the time where my body stopped pulling from my fat stores. I don't know. I have bumped as high as 175 from food and water weight. It never lasts for more than a week or two, but seeing numbers like that is scary and really tests whether you can stick with this forever.

    This period you are going through is a very important challenge. You must get through these periods to successfully maintain. There will be more challenges and the better you get at overcoming them, the more successful you will be.

    You are doing great. I really hope that your transition is smooth. Again, I had an extremely difficult time. I am doing much better right now. My weight has been very stable for months now. Transitioning into maintenance for me was very much like a very rough airplane landing!!!!

    I'm here for you! You will overcome! Every time you get your appetite and weight back into check after a challenge your confidence gets stronger. So, these challenges are probably necessary to convince yourself that you have what it takes to get back on track every single time you slip.

    2965 days ago
    With you, with you, WITH YOU in this struggle!

    Struggling to lasso the appetite into submission and struggling to fully integrate the "new me!"

    Great to hear of your "inner work" with your counselor...together you'll pull the "inside you" ahead to match the "outside you" in time and blow that phantom fat (love the phrase...definitely LIVING the phenomena!) away!

    And even though I've known you as you've moved down through a few sizes, I heartily agree with GRACEFULIFE I am with you with each milestone and plunging off that diving board with a WHOOSH:

    Each time I've seen you, while you've been trimmer and more fit, you always carry the *essence* of yourself that has always been a joy to be around and has been ever-present throughout, with my perceptions shifting with ease right along with your size.

    And I *know* from experience that ANY upward blip will be VANQUISHED by you in short order! :-)

    2965 days ago
    I am trying to figure out how to enter into maintenance without it having to be such a big struggle. I've been reading a lot of blogs lately from people who are just tired of it all and are having a hard time sticking with this. There is a lot of discouragement out there!
    I just saw Oprah the other day where one person lost 175 lbs and then gained it all back. She was looking for attention instead of looking inside and loving herself. You MUST learn to love yourself in a positive healthy way.
    I do not feel like I am struggling at this point. I know what to eat and I know to exercise daily. I just do it. If I eat a bit more one day, I balance it out the next. No big deal. What I CAN'T do is go back to my old eating habits and my old exercise habits (which is NONE).
    If I want to see all this as a lifestyle change, I don't think it should be that hard. I want it to be second nature...not something I have to put so much time and energy into every minute of the day. That would be exhausting and frustrating. So, I'm teaching myself to relax and just go with what I know to do...then I need to get on with the happy business of living my life.
    2966 days ago
    Don't give up! You have come so far and your body will have to continue to go through times of adjustment with the training you are doing. You already received a lot of great advice. Hang in there!
    2966 days ago
  • JAY75REY
    You need calories for energy with all that exercise! Maybe your body is storing up to keep up with demand? Maybe your weight will stabilize a little higher than your "ideal" weight? I dunno. All I know is, you are an inspiration to so many and I appreciate what you share with SP. Keep working on staying positive and loving yourself for the special person you are (no matter what you weigh).
    Also, unless you're eating tons of it, I suspect carbs like oatmeal are not the culprit. Friendly advice: no one food is the "enemy", but eat what you know you is healthy and balanced and gives you enough so you are not feeling hungry.

    2966 days ago
    0. I think you know everything I might say here, not that it'd hurt to hear it from someone else.

    1. Stay calm.
    2. You are doing better on calories, just keep doing it and improving it.
    3. Your BF% ticked down a notch even if your weight spiked.
    4. Make sure you are getting enough water in.
    5. You are training like crazy; between that and your last year, consider whether your body is in starvation mode or all too ready to be.
    6. I wasn't going to say anything until your moving average went above 160 (although 165 is something of a big deal since that would be my +10% threshold if goal weight is 150).

    7. I associate the new you as you. For me it is strange to look at the old you pictures, because they don't match my mental image. You for me is: you and sis in the old pants, you in your black dress, you in leather pants, and most importantly, you in the boat dropping off the diving board. emoticon
    2966 days ago
    That scale jump probably was from your Easter dinner. I ate at Subway, and even though the calorie count was healthy and low..the sodium count was not! Needless to say, the scale jumped up 2 pounds and stayed there for 3 days! It finally came down, today, and took another 1/2 pound with it! Yippee!!

    Sounds like that race you are training for, might just be another reason for your scale increase. It's just false 'fluid' weight, that's all. But my hat sure goes off to you! It made me tired..JUST READING about those bike miles!!! emoticon
    2966 days ago
    Oh yes please keep on with your commitment. I gained mine back because somewhere I did not learn about maintenance. I have been following your blog as I start this journey again to lose 180 pounds also. I have lost 35 so far and am on day 94 of a streak. I really enjoy your writing and encouragement.
    2966 days ago
    Maintenance is my fear as well!

    Thanks for sharing! emoticon
    2966 days ago
    Thanks for mentioning two important areas: Maintenance and Phantom fat.

    Maintenance is necessary and much a part of the adventure and journey. Only 10% of people who lose weight maintain it for any length of time. Preventing a weight gain should be spoken of as much as losing weight.

    Phantom Fat is very real. I feel that I have gained weight back in the past because I had a really hard time accepting the new me. IN some ways, I have felt that the FAT me is much more lovable and comforting than the Skinny Me. Now I am closer to accepting the Slim Me than ever before. emoticon
    2966 days ago
  • ANNE7X7
    Thank you for sharing this! Maintenance is a huge fear of mine! I know I can lose the weight. It's fairly easy for me to do so... The issue is going to be keeping it off. But you are proof that it can be done, even if it is no joke! Keep it up! You can do it!!
    2966 days ago
  • CARRIE1948
    I know what you mean. I am keeping it off, but every day is a struggle to eat right and not jump into bad eating habits.

    Why is it the exercise is so easy to incorporate but not the food?
    2966 days ago
    Take your time finding that balance - it will probably take some time, like everything else in this process, but so worth it! Never give up!
    2966 days ago
  • MEGANC1988
    2966 days ago
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