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Saturday, April 03, 2010

Why am I not motivated?. I am in such a slump, I am not motivated to pray and do my bible study, I am not motivated to do my school work(even though I can not fail this semester), I am not motivated to clean my house, I am not motivated to exercise. I just feel like I am in this rut, and I need to get out of it. I don't need therapy or any psychiatric help because I already know what the outcome will be and what I will be advised to do. I think I know what the problem is, I lack motivation and I may even be a lil on the lazy side. Ok so the question arises, why am I so lazy, I have absolutely no energy. I really need some energy and I know people say when you exercise you get energy, I never feel that way I just wanna sleep when I exercise.

I have spent so much money on exercise equipment that is taking up a lot of space in my room, 75cm ball, 25cm ball, 3different resistance tubes, a trampoline with resistant tubes, a jump rope (with weights), a pair of 5lb weights, and an ab thing from back in the day. To make matters worse the complex i live in the gym is right by my door....I will post a picture later. So what is my problem really, and lately I have been so forgetful, like if I plan on or decide to do something (unless I write it down) I forget until after the fact. Oh and i have also bought a lot of exercise clothing (very cheap though).

School, I am taking my final 12 credits to get my AAS and I am doing badly in 3 of my 4 classes. You would think that I would be on fire because this is it, but no I am not doing well at all. I really want to do well but i just feel especially this semester that I am NOT good enough. I suck as a student and also lately as an employee. I am doing Hospitality management and I think (I am just realising this as I type), that I have so much self doubt, and wonder how i can be a manager over anyone that I am self sabotaging. Maybe that is why i do not exercise because even though all my sparkies have motivated me I think that I will never look as good or manage to lose the weight. I never realised until now that I do not like myself, or rather who I am. To the world, as a single parent working full time and going to school full time I want to be seen as perfect but I have internal and external turmoil, my home is upside down, my school work is lagging behind and things seem like they are just ready to fall apart.

I do not know why I have been feeling this way lately, but i do know that i feel a lot better that I have gotten it off my chest. I am flawed but I want to do better only because I have 3 precious little angels that will benefit from a positive influence in their life. There is no day off from them so I have to be the best that I can be in order to be there for them even if its not verbal.

This has been therapeutic but I feel like I am just out there exposed ready for the world to judge and dissect me. I do know that I will accept help and criticism well if anyone has any ideas to offer, i know i am so done and I want outta this slump.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey girl! I just want to say to you that I have been there and sometimes revist it. See I was laid off of work in 8/09 and I started looking HARD for a job, then I found out I was preggo in Dec. So I have been home now all this time getting unemployment and still looking for work , but there isn't anything there. I was an electrical designer and I did utility work on transformers. I want to do that again but there is nothing.. Bummer.. but I will keep trying and do my best to be the best wife I can be. This is my first pregnancy and I am sometimes Up and sometimes down. I don't have anyone real close to talk to, except my hubby. My sis is in CA. not close to really talk to, everytime I talk to her she is way busy. Always talking to someone else while talking to me. But I try to pick myself up every day and do some housework, try to do some prenatal exercises at least 2X a wk for 1 hour. not much but it helps. So what you should do is don't try to go too much. Since you have 3 little ones.. try to do something after work.. Take a walk around the block with them, or goto the park with them. That will get all of you moving around and it is staying lighter longer in the night. Maybe your missing family. Have you talked with your sis or mom lately? Have them over for dinner and Redbox movie. I love the redbox.. just $1.00..
    Somtimes I have my mom over and it makes the day nice. I have a dog and cat and they love grandma! You were blessed with 3 beautiful children I am sure they make you smile everyday! I cannot wait to hold our first little girl! (we found out it is a girl) I am going on 23 wks now and I still haven't felt any kicks. I am freaking out, I hope all is ok , we have a doc appt on the 20th. Can you give me some advice on the kicking??? Also I am short and the weight on me looks worse than a taller person. So that is depressing. But what are you gonna do huh? God makes us this way for a reason and we are perfect just as we are no matter how we feel. YOU are perfect the way you are girl. Look at what you accomplished. 3 Beautiful kids! I mean to me that is the Best thing in the WORLD that a woman can do and you did it 3X and they are great! Healthy and Beautiful! They are going to do fine because their mommy is great! You will get out of the Funk... No worries.. Sometimes we need to be in the Funk to realize what we have. Then we get out of it, and all is better. Take your time and just think about what makes you happy. Eat a really good meal (something you crave) without regrets. You deserve it. I am 100% Italian and Love to eat. I eat healthy and Love to cook. Do you cook? Make some nice porksteaks on the grill.. sooooo good... have your kids help out. Remember your pic in Texas in the flowers. I really like that pic! Remember how happy you were there. I can see such pride and Happiness in that photo and you will see that shine again hun. Don't worry. Take your time and don't be hard on you. YOU have done Sooooo Much from where I sit! I hope this has helped you. I just got a good vibe from you and I had to go with it. Thanks for adding me and I just know we can be there for each other. I will do what I can. Take care! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3737 days ago
  • STINA44
    I know all too well how you feel. It's hard to get out of a slump when you are in one. The best advice I can give you is to go outside sometimes. This helped me a lot. Don't go when its very hot or very cold because then you will just be irritated. If it is heating up where you live go outside in the late afternoon when its starting to cool down and just be by yourself and breathe. It makes you feel alive again. Also if that's not helping look to what you are eating. When I was eating a lot of greasy fatty foods I felt like crap and the sluggishness affected other things in my life. If not that then watch a motivating movie alone. Or listen to some music that you can't help but be happy to hear. I know that when you feel the way you do its easy to scoff at these suggestions because I was there. But really it can help! I hope you are doing better soon!
    3742 days ago
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