LOLLYJEAN

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Pulling up my big girl pants & climbing out of the black hole....

Monday, March 22, 2010

I don't really know where to start...
Maybe a BIG THANK YOU is a good place.

When I wrote yesterday's blog it was all about me and my daily "I hate my life" pity party. Don't get me wrong...I still hate my life...most of it anyway, but there are glimmers of hope that I cling to...starting with my sons and all of you.

To be honest when I read Elizabeth's comment:
"Go back and read all of your blogs.
Pull up your big girl pants and
do what you know you need to do.
What you are doing is not working on any level."
I felt my face go red and I got angry thinking "what a b*%#h"...I felt like I'd been slapped. A slit second later I thought "GOOD GRIEF! SHE'S RIGHT!"

I didn't/couldn't read my blogs then but I did make and eat dinner instead of drinking then I took the dogs for a walk and had a chat with myself (the dogs were too busy enjoying themselves to listen ;)

Yes, life sucks a lot of the time but to some extent it is what I make it. I know I can't change my husband, who is absolutely the most negative person on the planet, and it's not going to be easy ignoring him or my own negative thoughts/feelings and faking being positive until I really am...but I am 50 years old and it's about time I did pull up my big girl pants and stop blaming everyone and everything for my misery. Isn't it Dr. Phil who say's "and how's that working for you?"

This morning I did read all my blogs. Wow. I know I've always felt this way but to have it in writing, with dates going back to last June, it was an eye opener. It seems the only time I "say" anything is when I'm sinking in the black hole. I know I spend most of every day in the dumps but I do have the odd good day...and I never mention those. This too needs to change.

Another comment I read on one of my posts was from Helen. She said:
"Wake up each morning knowing that you have been given a new chance, put a smile on your face, give yourself a little pep talk because you know you can do this and get your day started with a happy thought, and thank God you have this new day. Before you go to sleep each night, thank God for the day you have just had and give yourself a pat on your back for a job well done...that you did the best you could for that day."
I don't know about God, as I've never been to church, but I do know about Goodness so I think I'll start there.

I know there are many people in the world in a worse situation than I am and although it's easier to ignore that fact when I'm having a grand ol' pity party I will do my best to snap out of it...aka: pull up my big girl pants...and get on with living my life as positively as I can.

I want to emoticon again for being such an emoticon group and if I could I'd give you all big emoticon

I hope you all have a great week. emoticon for now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HEALTHY4LIFE360
    I'm so glad to see this blog! And I'm happy to see that you've recognized some things and making a difference.

    When I refer to "GOD" it doesn't necessarily mean the church "God" ... but the spirit, the higher power, or YOUR higher self. I am not a religious fanatic by any means, but if you follow your higher self, you will always do well.

    When we pull ourselves down into the negativity, it's our own ego's voice doing so. Our higher self is always positive and that darned EGO is the negative talk so keep talking that one away...

    3543 days ago
  • 1_AMAZING_WOMAN
    I can certainly relate to your sinking into the black hole. I have been really good at that myself. In 1999 when I was given only a short time to live I really worked on changing my mentality. In many ways I have, but life is a constant work in progress, and it is easy to slip back into that black hole. I want to learn to be more positive, more grateful etc. but I am learning not to beat myself up when I again slip into the negative, and just pick myself up and start over again. Instead I look at all the progress I have made (and it's a lot). For me at least, it's more like a rollercoaster ride. I am learning to accept how things go a lot better than I used to. Life's not perfect.

    Amber
    3545 days ago
  • BBAHONORS
    I don't agree with AJDOVER1 that going to church teaches more about religion than about God. But going to church isn't the only way to learn about God; it's just another avenue. God is present in ALL things in our life, both good and bad. Through the bad, God is there to lean on and support us and help us to get through it. Your revelation that you have good in your life is God's way of tapping you on your shoulder to get you to recognize it.

    God bless you. You're making progress on the journey of life.
    3545 days ago
  • AJDOVER1
    Going to church teaches more about religion than about God. It was easier for me to find God in goodness. Your a great inspiration to me.
    3545 days ago
  • MIMICOTO
    Sparkles, I am touched by your grace - what a humble, and humbling response. You inspired me and reminded me that "I" decide how I'm going to react and respond to life.

    The curveballs are always gonna come. The question is whether we decide to yell at the pitcher, or change our stance and knock them outta the park.

    emoticon
    3545 days ago
  • NINJALINDA
    I've been needing to find my big girl pants for a minute too. Thanks for writing this...I'm going to go hunt MINE down now & put them on!
    3545 days ago
  • MOMMA_BEAR_69
    It just made my night to read this blog from you!!! Please let us hear from you on your good days also...even if it's just a brief "having a great day" blog. Then you will be able to look back and say...hey, I really do have good days along with the bad but I choose to remember the good times. Look for one positive in each day...even if it is just that one person smiled at you at the grocery store, someone left an uplifting thought for you on SP or in real life, or just that someone said thank you. May you soon see that there are positives everywhere...even the children playing as you are on your way home, the sun is shining...I am sure you get the pictures. Anything that can put a smile on your face. ENJOY each day as it comes...when the day is gone, it is gone and we can't get it back.
    Blessings and hugs, my friend.
    Helen
    emoticon emoticon
    3545 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/23/2010 4:54:02 AM
  • DEBLYNN323
    Attitude is everything, and yes, we all have days that bring us to a level we don't like to be at. BUT...only "I" can choose how I want to react to those days. Good for you for pulling up your bloomers and making it a positive.

    emoticon
    3546 days ago
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