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3-15-2010 - RAMBLES

Monday, March 15, 2010

I have titled this correctly for I have much I want to share but there is no good way to say what this will be about.
First I want to thank those for you good thoughts about the lose of my uncle. I went to the funeral on Friday with my sister. I would like to explain a little bit about my relationship with my dads family. I was raised in Ill with my mom family. My father was from Lodi CA where much of the family still lives at least the older ones. In the mid 70's I came out to Ca and ended up in Lodi in part to get to know this side of my family better I was around 20. Things I thought we ok, but one aunt and uncle, the one who died, I had to take them to court, when I first got a job I needed a bank account and since I worked in Stockton I asked my aunt to co sign with me, I was pretty dumb I know, but my relationship with family was based on my moms. Well when I wanted to get that money transferred to Stockton, since I was no working and living there, they had taken all the money out, now it was not great sums but it was all I had probably less then $500. I took them to small claims court, this was my only recourse, and they lied about me, calling me lazy, slovenly, and well basically they said I owed them and my grandmother for my staying with them for a couple months. It was all lies, I was not working but help with errands for my grandmother and cleaned for both of them. I was so hurt, they were family and that wasnt what I thought family would do. They had said that my getting involved with Jehovah Witnesses was the reason so that they could not get my money. Lies all of it. I basically turned my back on them all, except my grandmother since I knew she was two faced and well she was my grandma. When my dad died 33 years ago, I saw them again, they didnt know me from a stranger, and had to ask my sister who I was. Last weekend was the first time I have seen them in all these years. I am sorry my uncle died, I remember good things too, he was nice to me and had a funny smile. So for those reasons and family and partly my dad I went glad my sister was there. I did meet my dads 2 remaining siblings and I have promised I will get back to visit more often. I mean I will. They are the last who knew my dad. I am glad I went but it was too. Mostly I thought about my dad and that I lost him when I was 24, he was 49. He never saw me married or my sons. He only knew on grandson who was 4 when he died He now has 5 grandchildren and 4 greatgrandchildren. I miss him a lot right now. My uncle lived to be 84 and knew his grandchild and greats and they got to know him. I wish my dad had had that chance and me too. So you can see Friday had highs and lows, but no regrets.
This weekend was busy we are still cleaning up the back porch and getting outside projects looked at, we had a sunny although breezy Saturday and Sunday was cool but sunny. Also with the time change, we had a longer day. Got lots done, I was out pulling weeds Saturday. Hopefully later I will get out again and get some more.
Today I weighed in and finally got to below 228 to 227.8 lol. But that means I have lost 80 total lbs. With my anniversary in Jan I had lost nearly 70. But it is one years since I really got down to busy and can now show an 80 loss for all my hard work. It also means that I can purchase the whole Sweating Series woohooo me. I am tickled too since my DH said that although the weight has been slow with inches and firmness is showing. Like that is being told a great thing. I am wanting to lose this belly and flab so bad, it is the only part of me I truly hate seeing each day. I do know it is getting there, but for me not fast enough. Why is it the belly is the last to go, I mean really why!!!???? I wish that I had stronger abdominal, but after 3 surgeries they just arent there. I do have to be careful when it comes to ab exercises. I plan to talk to my Dr later this year to see if maybe seeing a physical therapist might help me find exercises that will help. I have been adding strength and letting my calories to the mid range, so far no great revelation good or bad. I am keeping my water at 9 glasses or more, so that has been a challenge but I am keeping it there. I have been pretty consistent with my cardio and plan to leave it at 60 min 6x a week. I know that when I can get into the pool that will change but that will be ok too. I am looking forward to pool time, lol I have to get a new suit and there is another fun challenge for me.
The timer just went off. I had set it to take a break but remind myself that I still have my strength to do today. I will finish this first.
I am going to reduce my time a little online, what I need to do is make the time I spend use it wisely and not just goof off. I am not sure the exact minutes a day, but I need to have time to do updates for me and DH, some research time, reading emails and sparking to friends and buddy's. I am also got a project for my 50 pound team, which I need to make really work and do it right so that more people will get support and encouragement. Yesterday I received a comment from a team mate, she had a private SP page and I emailed her that she might like to make public so she could receive encouragement, the result her pages is public and she is getting back on track. It helps me see that the time I spend on the project is helping and that is needed for me to keep devoting time to it. Like everyone I have a life offline and need to spend time doing those things too. Yet I need SP and the community to keep going and progressing. I have written before about this but this is different I plan to take steps to make both parts of my life work and keep as best I can balanced. I have to do this to be the best me I can be and that is important.
I plan to do a little revision on my SP page more like an update.
Ok time for me to get my strength done and then some team project time. think I will do gardening for the rest of my cardio and little later this morning. I made a nice chicken veg noodle soup last night and it will be my lunch for a few days. I am wanting a nice soup, and the canned I had yesterday was a big disappointment.
Remember that this is a lifestyle change and there are many parts to it, it will not happen in a short time, we are changing habits built over many years of abuse to our minds and body's, but it will happen. It requires determination and work and most of all patience. I know anyone can make these changes they just have to want them more than eating. I know this because I am oh so imperfect and flatter often, but I am making a difference in ME and if I can, you can too. I love what I say often to friends and new people, this is a journey and the more friends you have on the journey the easier it is. It is easier in that you have encouragement and sharing and caring and just know you are not alone, which is something many of us have felt for too many years.
So to all those on this journey with me, have a great day and keep helping yourself make a difference in not only your life but the lives of those who are traveling with you on this journey to good health both physical and mental.
Wishing all Sunny and positive thoughts.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • -TAMI-
    Patience? What's that? LOL emoticon
    You're doing great Deb in so many different areas of your life. Keep up the great work and thanks for being such a wonderful Sparkler!
    3964 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4363972
    Thanks for being such a positive force on Spark!
    3964 days ago
  • DARA52
    Hey! So sorry your family wasn't nice to you. And just shows what a wonderful person you are for remembering nice things about your uncle. I don't know that I would have been that generous. Hug yourself cuz you are wonderful. Thanks for being my pal and looking forward to breaking some sweat together! I have to go shopping for a bathing suit in April, want to go?
    3964 days ago
    I am so sorry to hear about your Uncle and what you have been through. I didn't get to know my Dads brothers until after his death and then not really well. My aunt tried but the one time I called her, she didn't know who I was and I never called back. Glad your getting your life together and balanced.
    3965 days ago
    and that is what makes you such a Great Leader on our team. I wish more people had the dedication that you have. I think one of the reasons you will be so successful on your journey here is because you are concerned not only with your successes but those of your team mates. It is like that movie a few years ago about paying it forward.

    emoticon to getting under 228 pounds.

    I am also happy that things at the funeral worked out better than you thought they might.

    emoticon emoticon
    3966 days ago
    Sunny, Positive thoughts right back at you! Glad that you had a good and productive weekend. Glad that the trip to the funeral went as well as it did. Sorry for the family drama in your past. Seems we all have our share of that. You are such an inspiration to me and others here on SP. Thanks for being here for us. I only hope that we can give you some of what you so generously give to us. Love, Dawn emoticon
    3966 days ago
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