Sunday, March 14, 2010

ok, so i just kinda confused myself. i am reading this book called women, food and god. its kind of confusing. saying that emotional eating and compulsive eating is not really related to food and you should really stop dieting. and some of it i believe, i beleive that eating has to do with stuffing your feelings, i believe that food can be used as a drug. i guess the part of me that is fighting it is that part that says ok-i dont need this, i dont need to start to strictly go by the meal plan (which for some reason i keep putting off shopping for) but im not doing all that well on my own. i mean eating healthy wise. i mean i can pick the right food, i know that i should pack a cooler with food for when i go to work, so i dont stop when i get off work to a fast food joint and over indulge. i mean i get smaller sizes, and i really like rice crackers and havarti. but im not quite there. i mean its scary to deal with all my emotions. i havent for a very long time. i have been so depressed about my life, ive developed new habits, like sleeping all the time. im on medication but i guess i should come to grips with the fact that medication doesnt change my life. it doesnt make my kids less crazy, or my boyfriend more attentive, or the chores go away in my house, it doesnt give me more money. i have to find out who i am, without my history, without blaming someone else. i have to go with my gut instinct to be happy and make the changes in my life that i think will help me do that. it just im scared. lol, i dont remember being scared all the time. emoticon i still want to work out, i will still keep up with this cause i believe that i need the amzing WONDERFUL people here that seem to have no end of compliments. i have to start crediting myself more, like the beck diet book says. i am displaying good eating habits, (not 100% of the time but hey, no one is perfect.) i need to STOP MAKING MYSELF FEEL BAD!!!! and unworthy, and less than i am. i hate that feeling. because i am a good person and i can do anything i want. and its not about the weight, and i dont want to give up, i dont want to not try. i want to be happy. emoticon
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    Keep a positive attitude because the dog you feed the most will become the strongest dog in the end.
    3596 days ago
    No book, no matter how well written, contains you. You are a person and people are complex beings. You are or have been depressed so some of what you read made sense and some of it didn't. You know some things that you can do. Do those, start with what you can do today, for today, not for the rest of your life, just this one day. Don't worry about working out, get up and do 10 mins and let that be enough for one day and then do the next day another 10 mins, by the seventh day you will be feeling a little stronger and more able to do anything which you already know in your head that you CAN do, but you will also begin to feel it in your body. That's some good stuff, there. And you'll feel a little bit more like eating better and you need to write and think and think and write about all of the feelings you are having now and how you came to feel badly in the first place so that you don't go back to that dark place. YOU are one of the amazing folks out here on this site. BE as wonderful, amazing and successful as you are! When you are feeling better, then maybe re-read that book and see if it has anything else to offer you.
    3596 days ago
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