BETHANY39

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Security blankets ( They aren't just for Linus)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

I had a moment of epiphany today. I think the main reason I'm having such a hard time losing weight now is because I've made it my security blanket. You see I'm at a very fragile place in my life right now. Most of the time I don't know up from down. I haven't felt terra firma under my feet for over a year and it's killing me.
You see as long as I'm fat I have an excuse. If I don't get hired for a job it's fat discrimination. If a guy isn't interested in me it's because I'm fat. If I meet someone and they don't like me it's because I'm overweight. If someone wants me try something physical and new I can't do it because I'm obese. I am Linus to infinity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I realized today is that I'm sitting here hiding in this body and letting life pass me by. Please don't misunderstand me. I have lots of friends. I go out alot. I have fun. But how many things have I made excuses not to do because of my weight. I think the only way to put it is that I'm a coward. I truly am. I'm afraid if the fat is gone then it's all on me. In truth that's exactly where it should be.
Does this mean that from this moment on I'll buckle down and tackle this diet and exercise with no mercy? I hope so. But I know me and I know I that it may not be that easy. But I have finally admitted to myself what the problem is and now I can start to deal with it on a daily basis.
Anyone want to join me in burning this blanky once and for all???
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CRANBERRYKITTY
    Yes!! I totally hear you on this one. I too have been feeling like I'm stuck in an out-of-control place in my life for the last 3 years. I've finally decided that I have to give up my desire for control over things I can't control.... and take control over my choice to be happy.

    Right now, I'd like to start dieting to lose weight... but it's not about the dieting... it's about changing who I am so I am happy. In the end, I hope I get to the point that I am happy and I don't need my excess weight to hide behind.

    This is a tough road to travel... but we can do it. One little step at a time.

    Take care,
    Sydney
    3962 days ago
  • JUNEBUG1944
    Yup, I'll be right there to help you burn that blanky! Good for you! You've admitted to yourself what you've known all along. Now, you are free to do something about it! You go, girl! emoticon
    3967 days ago
  • FIGHT2SURVIVE
    Wow! I could have written that blog. But I would have to take it one step further. I got fat on purpose. How sick is that. I did it intentionally so my first husband would find me repulsive and leave me alone.
    Erin
    3967 days ago
  • IHAVETOO10
    WOW I can totally relate to all!
    Old habits die hard, so along with the Healthy Lifestyle Change comes Self Esteem Lessons!!!!!!
    I think we all use our weight as excuses and reasons to blame others... It sounds like your over it! YAY! I know I am..

    Good Luck on your Life Journey!
    I have faith that it will work itself out!

    Maureen :0)
    3967 days ago
  • no profile photo CRITTERMAMA912
    Admitting your true emotions and justifications is a big step to changing them. So, WooHoo for you! I, too, deal with a lot of social anxiety and use my weight, age and lack of skill in anything to stop me from doing things I would like to do. I heard this from a lady named Joyce Meyer, it's sticks with me and I try to make it my mantra: 'Do It Afraid'. The feelings of fear may be there, but that doesn't mean you have to let fear rule your life. So, tackle your diet and exercise afraid. Interact with people afraid. When you come out the other side, you will feel so empowered. It doesn't matter if you succeeded or not, you did it, and you did it afraid anyway, because you are a powerful woman in yourself! Keep taking little steps, you are worth it!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3967 days ago
  • NEWSUE45
    I got the matches! = ) It is good that you are making these realizations about your life. I think you are right, we do use our weight as a security blanket and its time we come out from under that blanket!!! This journey is not going to be easy...not only do we have to watch what we eat, how much we eat and exercise but we also have to change mental habits and thoughts, we have to find out why we have an addiction to food.

    But feel good Beth that you are on the right path now. You are making small changes in your life, you rejoined SP and you are making some serious realizations about yourself - be proud, because I am!!!

    -Sue emoticon
    3967 days ago
  • KITT52
    I use to feel like you do and know lots of others who do....
    I still feel scared at times as I have lsot the weight....
    you just have to decide what you really want and if you want the extra weight than do that.......it's your life and only you can change it.....

    Good luck

    Kitt
    3967 days ago
  • FLAMENM
    Old habits are hard to break. And old excuses and rationalizations are the same. Realizing that your are holding yourself back is teh first step...

    I know I have used my weight as a security blanket. It's easier to blame the weight to think about other reasons.
    3967 days ago
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