Weighed in the balances and found wanting

Saturday, March 13, 2010

I hate scales. Scales are not my friend. Never have been. Every scale I ever used has been for the purpose of calculating a cost to me. Post office, UPS, bathroom. There must be another way to measure success. Oh, there is.

I am in the battle of my life, for my life. It's heady, I know, but it's true. I have been involved in spiritual warfare (aren't we all), I have never been to war (too young for Vietnam. Too old for Desert Storm). And I have never acknowledged a war with my flesh - until now. I separate this battle from the battle for the mind. I am talking instead about the battle to take full responsibility for my health.

I have been in positions of responsibility before. From management positions in retail to Pastor of a Baptist church, to husband, father, and friend. I accepted, even welcomed, the responsibility of each without hesitation. But until now I have shirked responsibility for my health and I can't fully explain why. I have one theory.

In each position I have been in my responsibilities required me to conform to a set of rules/constraints/behaviors. Some set by the position I was was in. Others set by me because of the position I was in. Most were entirely appropriate, necessary and helpful. But when it came to my health I allowed myself to eat and drink without restraint. It was my happy place, my happy time. My indulgence. The place I could go and eat what I wanted when I wanted to do something outside the box - outside of the restraints of my position. At 25 you can get away with that. At 35 less so. At 55 it's a recipe for disaster.

I grew up early. Had my first jab at 16. Married at 20. Manager of a million dollar retail store at 23. And my weight was out of control by the time I was 30. Why was I sooo long in coming to my senses? I don't like my answer - I liked being without restraint and this was the one area of my life where I allowed my self that indulgence.

If not a scale, then where is the measure of success? I have mentally turned the corner on this thing called health. I have in the past allowed my self to eat without restraint - I don't eat like that any more. I can not. I will not. I don't want to. And truth be known, I have known for some time that God doesn't want me to.

What was up until a few months ago a life long battle with my weight has become a daily battle to overcome the bad habits and attitudes required to succeed. Eating without restraint was for a long time a happy place. That has not been the case for many years. But I did not stop, until now. I said I have turned the corner but, to use a baseball metaphor, I have only rounded first and am heading for second. But I intend to keep going. I owe it to myself first. But very importantly, I owe it my wife, and family, and to my Lord to get this part of my life in order.

Thanks for listening.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow Bill,

    Loved this blog. So true and very honest. I'm sure it helped you writing it. I know it helped me reading it. It would help others too. Maybe someday you will feel comfortable to make your page public again. Or if you add friends to your page at least your friends will get your blogs if they sign up... Anyway no pressure just my thoughts. The scale isn't my friend either. I usually weigh everyday. If I don't I gain weight. But I have recently changed to weighing once a week on Friday's with Botzzz. If my scale was up and I knew I was doing everything right I would have a really bad day so I decided to weigh in once a week and if it's up not sweat it. I swell and retain water if I eat off my very specific eating plan anyway. I'm trying to keep the frame of mind that if I just keep doing what I'm supposed to do I will get there eventually as Botzzz has said in his blog many times.

    Have a healthy day!!! Walked for 3 hours on Saturday with going to 2 funerals here.

    3532 days ago
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