I am a Sparker, hear me roar....
Friday, March 12, 2010
I am a Sparker, hear me roar....or gurgle, or snap, crackle pop, depending on what I have eaten and what I am craving.
I almost fell off my seat when I realised how long it had been since I wrote my last blog. Surely it could not be this long already?
The new job has eaten time and space like only a blackhole could, and every day seems to be full of tomorrows: tomorrow I will eat better, I will do Wii fit tomorrow…the laundry? Tomorrow. The dishes? Tomorrow. Yep, I have become Tomorrow Woman, which does not really come with any other superpower other than that of postponing EVERYTHING to the next day (only of course to repeat the process).
Gone the daily exercise and the careful designing of menus, hello unhealthy eater and procrastinator extraordinaire!
Thanks to months on Spark and the occasional email check and blog read, I am painfully aware of my newly (re-found) bad habits and of the mount of excuses I am hiding behind. It hurts.
The scales are gathering dust as I dread more and more every day to face the verdict of weeks of unmonitored eating.
To be fair, winter was tougher than I thought it would be…the snow, the ice and the short hours of daylight conspired to prevent me from exercising in the open. The cold weather whispered comfort food to my brain and the tiredness from long working hours meant I gave in to pasta and rice along rich stews, and the new bread machine added warm crusty doughy goodness to soups.
And now I do feel like I am (at least in parts) back to where I started from: craving sweet food and struggling to meet my daily nutrient requirements.
Every day has become once more a battle against my sugar cravings, not-so-good food choices and giving in to every cake and chocolate that my colleagues bring to the office..and more than once too.
There, I have said it: I have tried, but this time, I have failed.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not quitting.Nah-ah…not a chance. Not even close.
But I really need to find my mojo again because right now I feel really disheartened that I did not stick with it, and this summer will most likely be another uncomfortable experience as I struggle to find suitable clothes in my wardrobe.
I really believed when I started that by now I would be ‘just’ overweight.
And this site, and all the people on it have so much wisdom, are so much support, I feel ashamed of myself for failing.
I guess my sweet tooth is not helped by the boy and his perfect metabolism (not to mention his current training-for-a-marathon) who daily ingests chocolate bars and muesli bars and pasta and bread, all the while still turning his nose at most vegetables. Sweets are in the house, and I am too tired most days to cook different foods for both of us, especially with a freezer the size of a shoe-box that allows for no bulk cooking. In fact, scrap most of that sentence: most days I am just to tired to cook, full stop.
I guess part of me misses the UK where convenience food is king, for that I could find some healthy yet microwaveable options instead of limited expensive choices.
So maybe I need to accept that I can only concentrate on my self when the weather conditions are right, when daylight has returned, when Spring has sprung…….
I just hope my mojo knows about that time-table!