With R's illness, and all the craziness that goes with it, it is so easy to get trapped by old habits of taking care of everyone else but me. Fortunately I caught myself before it happened. But it did remind me of my "work in progress" status, not that I needed that much reminding. Kind of remember that every time I look in the mirror. ;)
What happened was that we discovered R's interferon treatment is changing the way that he metabolizes his other meds...his psych meds. Woohoo. Hello to full blown episode one evening, one very long evening. No worries, though. I know how to deal, and he's never violent. He just gets a little fuzzy on reality and is not his usual pleasant self. I still have to feed myself, etc. and it occurred to me that it would be easier to make a grab and go meal. You know the kind, higher in sodium, generally not as healthy as my usual make from scratch, and really only kept around for R. when I am not home. I stopped myself. Why on earth would I do that? It would be so easy to do that each meal as I watched over his progress waiting to see if I had to take him in to the ER clinic (the only option on the weekend), and in the process, pick up a few pounds probably. I decided that I was not going to knowingly sabotage myself. That was, I reasoned, one step away from all the other old patterns I had abandoned, including emotional eating, and I refused to start that again!
A couple of days later I awoke (R's fine btw, meds adjusted and one removed that seemed to be conflicting), and thought about everything, "DING" went my brain. Even though I am stalled on the scale, I am actually only 3 pounds away from 50 pounds from where I started. That is, I started spark (when I discovered it) at 206, but I started the gym at 212. (Sometimes I wonder if I should change my ticker to reflect the real start weight, but whatever.) I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. That is a huge number and one that when I started, I had a hard time actually seeing. I do the mini-goal thing, 5 lb. goal here, 10 lbs. there. Whenever I try to internally focus on more than that, it blows up in my face. Whatever works, right? So here's to 3 lbs., the new mini goal.
Knowing that I am that close to the 50lb. mark makes the end result seem so much closer and more manageable. I have always been determined to get there, but it just doesn't seem so daunting. I am so proud of myself for not taking the easy food road on those difficult days and creating my own setback. Rather than that end goal seeming like eons away, it doesn't seem so very far anymore. Almost 50 lbs. in 8 1/2 months (tomorrow is weigh in and the 8.5 mos. mark so I will find out if I hit the 50 lbs.) wasn't so bad and is perfectly safe weight loss for the time frame, considering I plateaued twice and stalled briefly 2 times. That is an average of 1.4 lbs. a week. And I did it all the right way-- no gimmicks, no fad diets, no starving, no crazy restrictions, so no complaints!
I know there are a lot of new people starting out, and some of us struggling to stay on track. (Some days, that is me too.) I wish everyone the best! I, the reformed couch potato who thought exercise wasn't my thing, have managed to stay on track for over 8 months, so I know it's possible. I even discovered this week that I have removed many of my health risk factors because my waist is no longer greater than half my height in inches. I am so excited to start the next chapter of my journey and I thank you for all the support that you Sparklers have given me, from the bottom of my healthier heart. I know that one of the reasons I have gotten this far is all of my Spark friends. :)