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Struggling this week

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

This has been a very emotional week for me. I find myself struggling not only with weight but emotionally & physically. I try to stay positive, but old hurts and memories keep creeping in. This past weekend a dear & wonderful person passed on. Her son emailed us and said that her last words were." I see the light & I see God". That is so comforting to know. Rest in Peace Joyceeee & as you said to Bett. " Fly With The Angels". ( Bett is my sister who passed while I was having treatment.)
Very mixed emotions have been flooding me & I just can't seem to get it right. My calories have been up & down. as did my weight. I went up 1/2 pound. The old me would have said.. Ok you blew it now go eat & stuff the feelings. Yet. I have not. Yeah me. When I said my calories were up. it was because of the irregular eating, & the big fluctuation with my Bloodsugar. My own fault. yet I did put down on SP everything in I ate.
No excuses. I am back on track today.. I decide to ask for support & share what I have been going through. Not hiding, not stuffing ice cream Pie, pizza, deli.. Like the old day.
I went over with healthy food. I had a bigger portion. No excuses.. Let Me say it.. I DID EMOTIONALLY EAT WITH THE BIGGER PORTIONS.
As I wrote this I stopped & said who am I kidding. Only me.. Justification of my actions. No Good.
I realized I did fall of the wagon & without being on SP. By not writing this I would have continued to justify & rationalize and just plain been a failure to me. Not posting it would have just been another wall to hide behind.
Today, this moment is a new beginning for me.

I wish you all a wonderful Day. Thank You all for giving me hope & support & inspiration.

Thank you all for allowing me to write this & be honest enough to post it.

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.
- Mary Pickford
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So sorry for your loss. I am touched that you reached out and expressed yourself and overcame a time of weakness and sadness. What a huge accomplishment my dear! Praises to you! Keep on keepin on and God Speed that you will continue to stay strong and true to yourself with your supporters here on Sparkpeople. Shelley
    2900 days ago
    From my Hear I want to Thank You all for your kind words of support & comfort. It is so heart warming to know that You are Not Alone. In Good times & times of Struggle. There are Hearts and hands reaching for us.
    Have a Blessed & beautiful weekend.
    Hugs & Prayers always
    3023 days ago
    Let the emotions out, look at them, cry, deal, then you will be able to get back on track. You did not fail. Remove that word from your day. That moment has passed and you passed with flying colors. You tracked, you were honest with yourself, Hooray for you.
    Keep moving, keep tracking.
    3023 days ago
    Donna, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for this valuable blog so that I know what prayers you need at this time. May God bless you and comfort you in your loss. (Jack also)
    Start each day with a positive thought just for that day. Reading and reflecting on a inspirational thought or message before you start your day can put you in a positive frame of mind.
    Wake up each morning knowing that you have been given a new chance, put a smile on your face, give yourself a little pep talk because you know you can do this and get your day started with a happy thought, and thank God you have this new day. Before you go to sleep each night, thank God for the day you have just had and give yourself a pat on your back for a job well done...that you did the best you could for that day.
    Putting God first, know that you are in control! You are working toward making yourself a healthier you. You can do this!!!
    Blessings and hugs,
    3025 days ago
    Donna, I am sorry about your loss and so very proud of you for not giving up on Spark and your healthy eating, but instead blogging and pushing ahead. Don't worry about yesterday, it is over and done just take it from here a fresh start. Your friend and fellow sparker. PJ
    Onward and Downward in 2010.
    3025 days ago

    I am sorry to learn of your loss.

    Hugs & Blessings,
    3025 days ago
    I am very sorry for your loss, and at the same time very proud of you for allowing yourself to fall off the wagon and jump back on! We all - every single one of us - have days when we don't eat right, and sometimes a lot of days, but the trick to getting where we are going is to forgive ourselves and do better today. Yesterday's gone - forget it and do what you can today to make yourself healthier!

    Hugs to you, friend
    3025 days ago
    Donna, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there all will be ok. You have gotten me thru the last 9 mos. I'm here for you. things will get better. And if you think your eating is bad you should see me. I feel like a hog when I'm eating, but I just can't stop til I'm stuffed. We will conquer this!!
    Shugs,S. Sis.,
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3025 days ago
    Donna, I am so emoticon for the emoticon angels emoticon you have lost on this earth. emoticon As you said may they fly high with the angels in heaven. I hope thinking of that is a comfort, though not easy to be left here without them. emoticon Thank goodness for your caring friends, I hope we help you in your difficult moments. I hope your eating habits improve, think of how much better you will feel when you eat in a healthy manner. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon I continue to pray for you and all that is troubling you at this time. emoticon Peace and Love, Inga emoticon emoticon
    3025 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/10/2010 12:27:32 PM
  • WILLOW49
    I'm so sorry for your loss. Good for you for having the courage to post; I hope everything improves for you now. We all "fall off the wagon" now and again, what matters is that you recognize it, pick yourself up and get back on track again! I've been struggling lately, too, but know today is another day.

    emoticon emoticon
    3026 days ago
    emoticon I'm very sorry for your loss.

    It takes courage to admit and write (and post) as you have done. I can get thrown off plan pretty easily based on my emotions so good for you on your realizations and for seeking support instead of comforting yourself with food!

    Stick with it, emoticon !
    3026 days ago
    I'm impressed by your courage and honesty. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one that might be struggling. I'm teary today for no reason. Go figure. I've eaten extra this morning because of my sadness and frustration. But guess what? That has ended. I'm glad you reached out. I love the picture of the rose on the rough wood. For some reason, it's comforting. emoticon

    Keep on keeping on girl...we are dealing with it !
    3026 days ago
    3026 days ago
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