WARNING: This post is a bit of a downer.
I have attitude issues. My name IS MALCONTENTION after all. They wax and wane with various developments in my life—work, relationships, HORMONES.
For the past several weeks, my attitude about weight loss has been really positive. I’ve been feeling good about eating great food and having control over this aspect of my life. I’ve been excited about the changes I’ve seen and anticipating those that will come as I lose my last 5 or so pounds.
But this week I’ve been spending more time thinking about how I can possibly maintain a “healthy lifestyle” over the longer course of my life. And by “healthy lifestyle” I mean one in which I eat less than I would prefer to eat.
Last night was a prime example. I had dinner out with friends. I looked at the menu online beforehand and noted the items I would order that would keep me in my calorie range.
So here’s what I ate:
water (in other words, no wine)
roasted chicken with potatoes and green beans
mini cannoli for dessert
Here’s what my friend ate as I enviously watched:
2-3 pieces of Italian bread dipped in olive oil
large arancini (ball of rice, cheese, meat and peas deep fried with marinara sauce on side)
1/3 portion of potato gnocchi in tomato sauce with melted cheese
large cannoli with chocolate chips
I SO wanted to be eating what she ate! And all I could think of was the fact that if I want to maintain my weight loss, I will very seldom be able to eat like that. And if I do, I’ll have to eat very little and exercise very hard for several days thereafter. 1500-1800 calories per day is just not that much. And there are times when all I can think about is how I’m depriving myself and denying my natural inclinations.
Now, the fact is, I am “skinny” (my friend noted it and asked how I achieved it) and my friend is struggling with her weight and not particularly happy with where her body is. But boy, did she enjoy her dinner!
I’m still processing this experience and my other thoughts. And I’m still very focused. I WILL reach my goal. It’s after my goal that’s less clear. I’m guessing there will be many lessons I learn about myself along the way.