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Something Just Came to Me!

Monday, February 15, 2010

My binging episodes only occur when I am feeling intense anxiety, meaning when a family member gets to me, or school, or if I made a diet mistake earlier in the day etc. One happened yesterday, two days after I had consumed fast food with my best friend, since I hadn't eaten all day (not on purpose! I was just busy!) and she didn't have any food at her house. Then yesterday, my boyfriend offered me some potato chips, and I obliged, for whatever reason. When I got home from his house, my family was sort of getting to me, and I was just so guilty about the fast food and the chips, that I had a craving. It started with just peanut butter, then it went to cereal, then bread with jam, and that was about it. It wasn't too horrible in retrospect, but to me, it felt like defeat. Almost as though I couldn't control what I was eating.

But then I analyzed my binging episode more carefully this morning, since I have my "food hangover" upon me. The first step to my binge was the fast food, no doubt. Looking back, I could have easily said no to the ice cream, and gotten a "drive through diet" menu item at taco bell instead. It'd be better than the crunchwrap supreme.
The chips could hardly count as a step, although I definitely should have said no. Maybe I would have felt a little less guilty.
The final step, however, was not my Nana yelling at me; that is something SHE did, not something I did. It was my choice to react the way I did, not hers. SO, the final step was giving in to that first craving. If I had not done that, then there was no way I would have binged!

SO, now, I am resolving to NEVER eat when I am feeling anxious about something. Easier said than done, but I will just find something else to occupy myself, such as yoga or dancing or kickboxing. Eventually, the cravings will go away, and I can just go to sleep, waking up guilt free..ready to take on anything.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ZNOWHITE
    i'm the same way. it's very impressive of you to recognise that the way you react is not under someone else's control.

    my binges are usually much, much worse than what you've shared.. but i have the same triggers and have realised the same things. and it IS much easier said than done. i can guarantee you that no matter how much bingeing isn't worth it, no matter how much better everything is when you don't do it - you won't get it perfect. it's very important to understand that you're human & JUST STARTING to recover from an unhealthy relationship with food. once you start really beating yourself up inside if you mess up, you perpetuate the cycle.

    anyway, yeah, we're in the same crappy boat. :p
    4176 days ago
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