Not looking does not change reality

Friday, February 12, 2010

For so long, I would not look at myself. I refused to see what I had done to myself. I would not go to the beauty shop because I did not want to look in the mirror. I would not try on clothes, so I bought everything on line. I just refused to look. When we had our bathrooms redone, the contractor wanted to put in a full length mirror. I objected. I did not want to see myself.

The one thing that I did do over time though was to be in pictures. I had such a poor body image when I weighed 128 pounds that I do not have pictures of myself at my thinnest. I just did not want to be missing out of the family pictures once my son was born, so I do have pictures of myself from the time that I was 28 to today.

I asked Ian to take pictures of the snow today and upload them to my photobucket account. While he was doing that, I was able to see lots of the pictures of myself over the last few years. It is unsettling to me how much I define myself by my weight. I know how much I weighed in each of the pictures.

It did not make me thinner to not know what I looked like. It probably would have made me more cognizant of what I was doing to myself. So, from now on I am vowing to LOOK. I may even go buy that full length mirror and hang it up!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • ENUFF81020
    Hi there,
    I have been like you with the "looking" as well. Mine came from a childhood of people not wanting to see me or admit that I had issues, unless they were verbally abusing me for it (or worse). Our children tend to love us unconditionally though and mine love our family photos. They are here for the world to see and I cannot avoid any of this. I think we have to come to the decision you have just made and it will be useful in your quest for good health.

    I have to be cautious even with what I see, because I see things in the way I believe them. I cannot see me as losing weight right now and still see myself as the person in the "before" photos. It is a strange thing that I cannot explain--and maybe it is a habit, I'm just not sure.

    Thanks for the email about Ian being home--I am so glad for your both. Keep your focus on good health, but enjoy him more. Take care of yourself!!
    3353 days ago
    You are so right with this... many of us believe if we don't see it (substitute the word "it" with whatever), it isn't there.

    The first step in defeating what's making you unhealthy is to be AWARE.

    DEFINE what you want to chage.

    You have gone through this thought process well and can now deal with looking at yourself.

    After all, how are you going to see all of the wonderful changes taking place if you don't know what your body looked like starting out??

    I put some very unflattering pics of myself right on my Sparkpage (yuck). Was not easy for me but it motivates me greatly to improve my health.

    I wish you the very best on your journey.


    3354 days ago
  • LHLADY517
    The Bible speaks about people who do look in the mirror but then forget what they look like:
    James 1:22-24 (New International Version)

    22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

    So many times we have an image in our mind that we see no matter what the reality is. Either way, we need to be honest with ourselves and others.
    3355 days ago
  • LADY420
    This hit home for me, I am guilty of the same thing, just not looking... I hated what I saw looking back at me, so I stopped looking...
    Thanks for writing this.
    Have a Great Weekend!
    3355 days ago
  • CMC1959
    Go buy the mirror and hang it up!! Always remember that you are always beautiful in the eyes of Jesus. emoticon from your spark sister.
    3355 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.