Monday, February 08, 2010
Is it bad for me to say that I think people are overly obsessed with weight? Some times it just makes me sick. Yes, being healthy is very important but I don't necessarily think it's about the weight. Since I was 5, I had a physician who was terrible to me about my weight. I didn't start gaining a lot of weight until I started my menstrual cycle at 10 years old. I lost a little weight in middle school and kept it down because I was a soccer player. I was never really thin, but never as fat as I always thought I was. I think that society made me feel lesser as a person and that's what got me to gain so much weight. It just sickens me. Now that I learned I have PCOS it's very difficult. I keep reading things about certain diets that are the best for women who have PCOS, and it sucks. I hate it. I hate having PCOS because I may never be able to have my own kids some day. I know it's still possible, but it will be hard. I know, the past few years I said I didn't really think I'd want a kid. Maybe just one. I just hate not being able to have the choice of whether or not I want kids. It's like some person is in charge of deciding who can and cannot have kids, and that person has pointed at me and told me I will be banned from having any children. I know that there are far worse conditions to have, and maybe I should be greatful that I don't have cancer, but to me this might as well be the same thing.
I will be looking at several different diet options for my condition and hope I find one that I like. I wish I had sat down with my doctor before I lost my job and lost my insurance so I could have already been doing it. I know that doing this calorie counting may not work for my condition. I'm not ashamed to say I'm super jealous of those of you who don't have to worry about having PCOS, because it can really mess with your plan at losing weight. And I'm also not trying to use it as an excuse. I'm just sick of those people that look at me and think all I do is sit on the couch while eating twinkies (which, BTW I can't stand. Yuck). At the end of the day, you are your own worst critic and no one can really judge you but God.