Anniversary Number Three at SP ... Random musings on Change

Saturday, February 06, 2010

Over three years ago I realized I was fat, out of shape, developing weight related health problems, tired all day long, stressed to the max, and faced a significantly higher risk of a repeat bout with Cancer. And looking old to boot.

That was one of the luckiest days of my life.

It’s easy to slide though life accepting the status quo. Things seem “okay”, “good enough”, or “I can live with it”. But why? Why settle? Why does the fear of change seem seem so frightening when the rewards of change can be so tremendous?

The day I woke up realizing I hated what I’d done to myself was important because the pain of admitting I was unhappy gave me the courage to face many aspects of life that were out of balance. It was not so much the weight gain as the discrepancy between who I wanted to be, and who I was allowing myself to become. Ironically the situation came partly because my appreciation for living through cancer had caused me to recognize so many good things in my life to enjoy after my brush with death … I had not learned to say no. I was grasping greedily at whatever came my way, whether it was a new work opportunity or a chocolate chip cookie. My house was cluttered, my body too big. My schedule had no room for error. ENOUGH.

My earlier blogs talk about my first steps on the path. Finding SP. Learning about nutrition, and practicing what I’d learned. Understanding the role of fitness, and loving how it feels to be strong. Clearing the clutter from my home as I cleared the clutter from my body. Life is so much better now! It isn't just, or even mainly, the weight loss. It is waking up feeling strong. Knowing I can achieve more than I ever thought possible. Life is very good!

And yet … life remains a work in progress.

It has taken me a long time to realize that my inner cry of “ENOUGH is ENOUGH” meant not just food, not just material things, but also opportunities to do good. My schedule is bloated from too many “yes, I will take on that task” decisions. My newfound energies are all too often squandered on minutia, which is no better for the spirit than empty calories are for the body. The rush of agreeing to take on a new task is like the rush of too much sugar – fun for awhile, but the crash afterwards … it is hard.

So, once more, ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Change is needed, and it’s as urgent a need as before. That begins now. But this time, change is a familiar path! In three years, I’ve learned so much about how to set goals, set limits, and that doing this actually will enhance my joy in life, and not be a deprivation. A slip? That is a signal that it’s time to take two steps forward! Feel weak? Keep up the consistency – and you’ll someday be doing pushups on your toes. That’s the SP trajectory. That’s – well, that’s life. Every day, every moment, we have the opportunity to start over from where we are. Not where we wish we were, or where we used to be. Where we ARE. And I am looking forward to starting from where I am. Lokoing forward to setting achievable goals, taking my baby steps, and exploring the freedom that comes when we choose the boundaries we set rather than accepting the boundaries others set for us.

Thank you, Spark People! It’s been a wonderful three years! I am forever grateful for the support I've received from so many in achieving my health goals ... and for lessons I'll use for years to come, refining my life, removing my clutter, and seeking to become my best possible self.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm new at SP, but it's so heart warming and affirming to find so many stories like mine.

    Barely coming out from a divorce, I suddenly saw and felt a million years older, unhealthy and not who I know I am.

    Your page has inspired and motivated greatly.

    Mirie, from Panama
    ps. Love your fur family! emoticon
    2976 days ago
    What a wonderful blog, shadowpup! Thank-you so much for writing it. I agree so much with what you have written. I am coming up on my second year anniversary with SP - April 13 and am so amazed with how far I've come. I am one of the Queens of "I can live with it". And I struggle every day with trying to say - No, I deserve better and I can make that happen. Your blog was a reminder of that. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2979 days ago
    2979 days ago
    I did the same exact thing one day....I realized I was eating a half pound burger, dipping it in bleu cheese dressing, with a beer and fried pickle chips on the side...all in one sitting. I know people have done worse, but it was this meal that made me realize things were getting out of hand and I was squeezing into my size 22 jeans. Happy Anniversary...I'm glad you're here with me.
    2999 days ago
    Happy emoticon !

    Great Blog!
    2999 days ago
    I love this! Happy Anniversary!
    2999 days ago
  • ATHENA130
    Great blog!!! You wrote in this blog so many ideas that I have had in my head and it is something I could have written. It is easy to slide through life and just accept what is. But I have never been able to do that and when I try, things are worse (weight gain, unhappiness, etc.). There are some things that we do have accept but there are so many that we do not have to!

    Change is hard but it can also be a good thing if we allow it to be. Thank you for being such an inspiration and I have no doubt that you will achieve all the goals you decide to set. You are already becoming that person you want to be!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2999 days ago
    Congratulations on your Spark anniversary.

    Judy emoticon
    2999 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.