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Day 4---Shhhhhhh She's talking about addiction

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I have been on this wonderful, fantastic, overwhelmingly beneficial site for a little less of a month I have not heard anyone write about addiction. There may be a team for addicts and I have not found it. I will look again when I get off here but right now I need to talk.
Last night before going to bed I checked FB (facebook) to make a final check on my grandson, nieces, etc. My grandson's last post an hour before was "still waiting to go to the hospital". A friend responded "Tell him to get out of there fast" so I knew Zach wasn't sick. His dad had been talking about going into rehab all week and I guess he decided to go. I called Zach and he said he would have to wait until tomorrow to go. He was very upset. I told him this was a good thing that his dad was going to be in a good place where they would be able to help him clean up his ways and if he stayed there give him a new way of life. Zach is so afraid he is going to die. I said he was more likely to die if he kept using drugs. In the past he used to use weed but now he looks like he is half asleep all the time and Zach called me once and told me about paraph. he saw at his dads house---tourniquet, needle covers, etc. Zach was only about 11 and I told him that one of his dads friends probably left it there. I don't really know.
Zach lived with me last school year but is living with his dads mom this year. He cannot live with his mom (my child) because of her alcoholism and violence and he cannot live with his dad because of child neglect charge. No food,etc. I talk to him at least 3 times a week or whenever he needs to talk and we are very close. He went to live with his other G'ma so he could go back to the city and be with his friends.
Anyway, I just feel so sorry for Zach. He is 16, 6'2' skinny as a rail and full of anxiety. He wants PARENTS and he'll never have that. His parents were 16 and 19 when he was born. He would tell the girls in high school not to have sex, not to get pregnant, not to keep their babies to give them up for adoption. He says when kids have kids then the kids raise themselves.
I just talked to Zach. When his dad "came to" this am he realized he was in the hospital and it didn't matter how sick he had been last night, today all he wanted was another fix. He signed himself out AMA.
Well, I got that out of my system. But really folks, addiction to food is located in the same brain center as addiction to cocaine. People who cure one addiction may end up with another one. I was never told that. I Had a "gastroplasty" done in 1979. The doc called it a Y procedure and they're not done any more. Its kind of a combo of the two done now. I weighed 298 and went down to 144. It took me 30 years but I'm back to 267. In the meantime I became an alcoholic, which only lasted 6 years before I got out of that. With the grace of God and the fellowship of the members of AA I am still sober and did not lose everything in my life.
Currently, I would love to go to the casino or even just play bingo every night but there is thankfully no where near my house for me to do that. I also realize the danger for me to do that.
What I am saying is, I am an addict. I need food to provide me with much more than nutrition. That's why I am here talking to all of you. Some folks can pay for a psychiatrist but I've got you. You know when I'm full of sh-- because you have been there.
Please stop me from deluding myself when I babble on. I struggle everyday to get off the couch, do my laundry, do minimal house cleaning so my house does not look like the hoarders, then go back to bed. I need you and I hope you need me. I will do my best to give you a boost if you need it.
Thanks for listening
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo RESTLESSSPIRIT
    You are a brave and strong person for admitting to addiction and your grandson needs you and we all pray things will get better for you both,,,,
    Zach will be the rock for you and keep you from going under,,stay strong and remember we are here for you,,,I would like to be a friend who will listen and not judge you,,,remember to e-mail or post when you are in need of a shoulder or somone to pick you up when you feel there you cannot get up alone.....angelfire emoticon
    3084 days ago
  • TIINABELLE
    You've already come so far, let that success buoy you when the need to go farther feels like too much to carry. Sending prayers for you and for Zach.
    3085 days ago
  • -KIMMI-
    My heart is full of compassion for you and your grandson. Addiction is a tough one. I did read something that was the most helpful thing I think I have ever read in my whole life about addiction... it said that there is no letting something go because it creates a hole and you never know what is going go fall in that hole to fill it in. So the idea is that when you let something go you immediately have something in mind that you can fill it with. An example would be me personally... sugar out, coloring in... any time at all that I feel I have a need for sugar I get out my crayons and color. Just this past week I have colored almost a whole coloring book. The idea is to have a fall back... something to pull your mind off the addiction so that when those feelings or thoughts of need hit you, you have an immediate response. Journaling is good, scrapbooking, something you can depend on yourself for because not everything is available 24/7, you know? Best of luck to you and your family.

    emoticon
    3088 days ago
  • JOHNTJ1
    First thank you so much for sharing. To me it is a real reminder that there are folks in this world who face issues far greater than mine. I am not quite sure why we dont read more or see groups related to addiction here. I am glad you raised the issue. Maybe it will cause others who wanted to share about their journies to do so.

    Have a blessed Friday
    3089 days ago
  • IHAVETOO10
    Your a very brave, strong Women... Who has already overcame sooo much! God Bless You for being their for Zach! He needs you, please be strong for him and use him for your determination and motivation to live and conquer!
    I can totally relate to your story I have a similiar one.
    Know that God heals, You just need to believe.

    Keeping the Faith :0)
    Maureen

    3089 days ago
  • KATHYGBENNETT
    I am praying for you and Zack
    3089 days ago
  • ELLENGRACE1
    You are very brave to share your family's story. It sounds like being there for Zach is exactly the motivation you need. He is lucky to have you, so don't forget it.
    3089 days ago
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