Maybe I'm an addict.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
* Crime update
So the thief sold my wedding band. A ring passed down to me from my late uncle. I wore it when I got married. My wife secretly had a very loving inscription placed inside the band before our wedding day. There was some hope that they would recover the ring. Well, they didn't. It was sold and destroyed. I'm sad about this in so many ways. But I'll get over it. It's just a ring, right? It was beautiful, though.
Now of course I'm paranoid of any little thing that goes on in the neighborhood. I don't know. I've been sleeping well these past few days. I'm just bummed out about my ring today.
Everyone has been so nice about supporting me through all of this. So thank you for that.
* Additcs *
I'm not a big TV watcher, but someone pointed out a train wreck of a show called Celebrity Rehab. I streamed one or two shows online. I admit being amused by tabloid journalism. And there's a dark part of me that takes some sort of strange delight at seeing 'stars' fall from grace. But it didn't take long to see that this show was very sad, not funny in any way. These are real people, with real addictions, and their lives are messed up.
Over the weekend, I pretty much watched all of the Celebrity Rehabs I could find, as well as Sober House, the follow-up series where the addicts try to get back into their worlds. These people are addicted to all sorts of stuff. Heroin, crack. But also beer, and bad relationships.
What I discovered is that I act just like these people. But with food. I crave it. I've been known to sneak it. Lie about it. I'm 'sober' for three weeks and then go on a 'run'. And then there's guilt and anger after that. And a tendancy to use again after that.
As I watch this show, you can't help but think things like: "Don't go to that party! Everyone is using. It'll be too much of a temptation!" or "Why doesn't he put that down and just walk away from it?" It's easy for me, as the outsider. But if I put myself and food in the same situation, I can TOTALLY see why they make some of the choices they do.
So maybe I need to consider myself an addict. Addicted to what? Not sure. Bad food choices? Slothenly living? I mean, I know you gotta eat, right. But maybe I should approach things sometimes from the view of a recovering addict. Maybe I should consider my food choices as a more serious matter than I do. It's easy to say, "Well, I'll just work a little harder after I've had this giant Thai dinner." An addict can't approach a crack rock in the same way.
I seem to have an addictive personality. Always looking for some kind of rush. My rushes are just different than most.
I don't know. Just thinking out loud.