IMCONFESSIN
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Maybe I'm an addict.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

* Crime update
*
So the thief sold my wedding band. A ring passed down to me from my late uncle. I wore it when I got married. My wife secretly had a very loving inscription placed inside the band before our wedding day. There was some hope that they would recover the ring. Well, they didn't. It was sold and destroyed. I'm sad about this in so many ways. But I'll get over it. It's just a ring, right? It was beautiful, though.

Now of course I'm paranoid of any little thing that goes on in the neighborhood. I don't know. I've been sleeping well these past few days. I'm just bummed out about my ring today.

Everyone has been so nice about supporting me through all of this. So thank you for that.


* Additcs *

I'm not a big TV watcher, but someone pointed out a train wreck of a show called Celebrity Rehab. I streamed one or two shows online. I admit being amused by tabloid journalism. And there's a dark part of me that takes some sort of strange delight at seeing 'stars' fall from grace. But it didn't take long to see that this show was very sad, not funny in any way. These are real people, with real addictions, and their lives are messed up.

Over the weekend, I pretty much watched all of the Celebrity Rehabs I could find, as well as Sober House, the follow-up series where the addicts try to get back into their worlds. These people are addicted to all sorts of stuff. Heroin, crack. But also beer, and bad relationships.

What I discovered is that I act just like these people. But with food. I crave it. I've been known to sneak it. Lie about it. I'm 'sober' for three weeks and then go on a 'run'. And then there's guilt and anger after that. And a tendancy to use again after that.

As I watch this show, you can't help but think things like: "Don't go to that party! Everyone is using. It'll be too much of a temptation!" or "Why doesn't he put that down and just walk away from it?" It's easy for me, as the outsider. But if I put myself and food in the same situation, I can TOTALLY see why they make some of the choices they do.

So maybe I need to consider myself an addict. Addicted to what? Not sure. Bad food choices? Slothenly living? I mean, I know you gotta eat, right. But maybe I should approach things sometimes from the view of a recovering addict. Maybe I should consider my food choices as a more serious matter than I do. It's easy to say, "Well, I'll just work a little harder after I've had this giant Thai dinner." An addict can't approach a crack rock in the same way.

I seem to have an addictive personality. Always looking for some kind of rush. My rushes are just different than most.

I don't know. Just thinking out loud.

Peace.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • KUNGFOOD
    Rings are symbolic of our lives and commitments. Having it taken and knowing that it can never be returned, as you well know, it is painful.

    Like many others who have posted here, I have a similar story. Worse, if you can believe it. It is only a thing.

    I can forgive, but will never forget. Someday I will leave that baggage behind!
    emoticon
    3090 days ago
  • DOOLEN25
    So sorry about the ring.. That just bites.. It's so sad, man's inhumanity to man isn't it..
    I watch Celebrity Rehab and it does strike me how much I actually relate to these people on different levels.. I've been in 12 step recovery for most of the last two decades. I have learned that being from a "less than perfect" home really shaped me more than I wanted to admit. But working through that has helped a great deal with how I think about food, life, love, parenting, money, just about everything. I've moved from being a survivor to a thriver and I think I'm gonna make it. It just took soooo long to get to that point. Anyhow, just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the loss of the ring and you're one of my heroes. Thanks for being you !
    3091 days ago
  • VEGGIE-FITNESS
    I'm sorry to hear about your ring...being stolen from feels very violating. I accidentally left my purse in the bathroom in middle school (there was nothing of real value inside except my identification and a really cool ring, costume jewelry my mom bought me). When i went back to get it, it was already gone. No one claimed to have seen it. 3 days later I saw a girl wearing my ring. I knew it was mine. I didn't say anything because I couldn't prove it. Every time I saw her from that day forward I got a sick feeling in my stomach. She probably never had a clue that I knew or how it made me feel. Its funny how your blog made me think of that...that happened 26 yrs ago! lol
    I also wanted to comment about food being an addiction. Food is most definitely an addiction and I consider it one of the most dangerous addictions of all because it is something we cannot live without. I know it is my addiction of choice and even though I have identified my triggers and I know how to control my addiction, it will always be with me and no matter how long I control it, I know very well that there could be a binge right around the corner. The addiction never ends, it just gets managed or controlled. I apologize for writing a book in response to your blog, but you really got me thinking and I just wanted to respond. What a powerful, well-written blog. Thank you so much. ~Pam
    3091 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    so sorry about your ring. when i was 13 we had a fire in our house we lost everything. but we still had each other thank god for that. but it's funny i am 50 and still get sad about my david cassidy records,or my stereo,or my friendship ring. my mother sent my uncle into the burnt out shell of our house to get her wedding ring. it was not safe, but get it he did. i hope we can all turn our food addictions over to exercise addictions. until then pass the chips.good blog.
    3092 days ago
  • SUZY6281
    So sorry to hear about your ring. I've got to go back and read you other blogs and catch up, but I wanted to comment on what you are saying about addiction.

    I think alot of us have addictive personalities. With that being said, then it would seem to make sense to exchange one addiction for another. Maybe exchange our food addictions to some form of exercise. Seems like you were rocking that bike last year. Me- I turned to running.

    suzy
    3092 days ago
  • DESERT_BIRD
    Yes, anything can be an addiction, including exercise (and food). I wonder if we aren't all addicted to SOMETHING?

    Sorry about the ring.

    Now you've got me curious about Celebrity Rehab.

    I'm clicking too!

    emoticon
    3092 days ago
  • CITYZOZO
    yeh, a popular blog..that is right, i'm clicking the button too...
    3092 days ago
  • JOYATLAST
    Sentimental sigh over the ring.

    We had something stolen too. It's so unfair. You work hard, save up and purchase something with pride. Then someone comes along disrespectfully and without remorse takes it. On top of that, you're left to sort through all the emotions you were doing fine without thank you!

    We're all food addicts!!! If there wasn't a payoff, we would stop the behavior. Now, what does eating give me that would be better found elsewhere?

    I've been thinking about this too. (blog coming!) If I viewed my cravings with a more serious tone, would I be empowered to combat them more effectively?

    This blog deserves to be "Popular". I'm clicking the button!
    3092 days ago
  • CITYZOZO
    So sorry to hear about your ring...

    On the addict front, what if you did your exercise routine constistently and even if you may have food addiction, like me it will softly fade away because you've replaced it with the good feeling vibes of sweat and music.... ?

    hope your day is nice...zo
    3092 days ago
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