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Meet Taryn...My Own Worst Enemy...Next to Food

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Hi, my name is Taryn. I think I may have a HUGE problem...MYSELF!! Why is it, no matter how hard I try to stick to eating healthy, logging my food intake, exercising, and tracking my fitness, I just end up sabotaging myself?? I have been on here since November, '09; I have read THE SPARK! twice now; I had even started blogging about what I was learning in each chapter. Apparently I am not learning very much. I will have a good day where I eat healthy, exercise, and track everything...just to throw it all away the next day. I know the saying is "Tomorrow's another day" but how many tomorrows are there going to be? This past week I was told my sugar is running high and am borderline at becoming diabetic. Did that "scare" me into being more consistent with my weight loss journey?? NO!! Instead, today I did NOT eat breakfast, I had breaded popcorn shrimp for lunch (2 servings) and LOTS of chicken alfredo at my Early Head Start Parent Meeting tonight. Granted, I also had a good bit of salad with it, but what the heck?? I KNOW better!! I even had a small glass of Dr. Pepper today. The bad part is...NONE of this JUNK satisfied me...I was still hungry shortly after eating!! What do I have to do to myself to get it through my own head that my weight is unhealthy?? This is why I so wish I could find someone to help keep me accountable every day. Obvioiusly, I can't do it by myself...and technically, it's best to not go it alone anyhow. But I have no choice. Matt's supportive, but not very helpful, as he sits around eating ice cream and drinking soda all the time. And the Earth would come to a halt if he got off his butt once in awhile to do some form of exercise. Walking is even too much for him to manage, unless it's going out to the freezer for his ice cream. The only time I have ever lost a significant amount of weight was when I became so obsessed with working out and walking all the time that I literally was not hungry. I pretty much only ate chicken, fruits, and salads then. I had cut out ALL red meat and pork. I cut out ALL noodles, potatoes, breads...basically all starches, and only drank water. Cereals were a no for me back then as I considered them to be a starch and too many calories for the serving size allowed. Yogurt was the one sweet thing I allowed myself...once a day. It's funny, but I lost over 20 pounds doing this. And now that I am trying to eat healthier and exercise without going overboard (I was walking over 20 miles per day then), I cannot lose anything!! Something needs to give...and SOON! My health is now at stake. Maybe I just need to go back to how I did it in the past. It obviously worked. The only reason I gained any of it back was because I got pregnant, and even then still didn't start really gaining any weight until I was about 7 1/2 months along. In my last 2 1/2 months of pregnancy, I gained almost 20 pounds! And now I cannot lose anything. I had gotten down to a size 10-12. I was finally out of the Plus sizes! And now some 16's are getting too tight again. I jut don't know what to do at this point! I'm soon just about to give up. My obsession with food is either eating too much or not enough. There is no in between for me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • USARUNNERGIRL
    Breathe in, breathe out.

    Ok, sounds like you are stressing yourself out way to much. When I stress myself out about not being "perfect" at the whole healthy lifestyle I remember that stressing about it is not going to solve anything.

    I agree with another Sparker with the negativity and feelings of defeat. If you could spin those feelings around than you might find yourself making more strides in the right direction. A suggestion that I have (which I presonally did) is to write in a journal one positive comment a day about yourself. This really, really helped me in more ways than people will ever know.

    If you need someone to help you be accountable there is always someone that can help here at spark, such as myself or many other members. If you ask, you will have more help than you will possible even want. LOL.

    I hope you get to feeling better. Now stop and give me 20. (Just Kidding -- MAYBE)
    3676 days ago
  • DOPKIGIRL
    Don't give up Taryn. Things sometimes don't show when we want them too. It is very frustrating...I know. Don't make dramatic changes. Too much of a good thing can be devastating. As silly as it sounds, slow and steady wins the race. We can't expect (well we can) things to change real fast, because the faster we lose it, the faster it is to gain it back. Make small changes. It can make a huge difference. I haven't been as consistent as I want, but I am making slow progress. I do have a streak going for me and I don't plan to give up on it. I do 24 modified push-ups and 24 crunches each day. No matter what I have done during the day or how good or bad I ate. I do this. It feels good to know I am doing something and that I am not letting this streak die. I am currently at 31 days! Yah! Find something small to start with and as that gets easier, add something else. Make sure you also keep an eye of your caloric intake. Make sure you are getting enough calories. Not getting enough is just as bad as having too many.

    I wish you had a better support system at home. I am VERY fortunate to have a supportive husband. He sometimes eats things that I really want, but I turn it away. We just have to keep telling ourselves, "why do we want to lose weight". This should help some. Nothing is going to change overnight or even in a week or sometimes a month, but keep consistent and it will pay off.

    Keep your head high. I am here for you if you need a little kick in the butt. LOL!

    Blessings.
    3677 days ago
  • LAURA2471
    Hi Taryn,

    Reading your post, a few things come to mind. You have a couch potato partner and that is so hard! (I just dumped one) This journey will have to be a lone one for now. (Except Spark of course)
    The next thing that pops out is your attitude. You seem to be really negative about yourself. I can point out the spots, but if you re-read your blogs, you will see it I'm sure. No amount of dieting, reading, exercising, blogging will change the fact that you are entering into this at a disadvantage. That disadvantage is your negative attitude. Please understand, I am not meaning to be harsh at all, just observing from your postings. You know yourself the best and whether what I say rings true.

    Yes, something's gotta give, I think that something is you. Only you can unlock the locked door of your mind and open yourself up to the possibility of success. No doctor's assessment, nor my words will do it. Learning to like who you are, appreciting yourself, looking at your good qualities, approaching things from a positive/strong stance will be an advantage, unless you keep handicapping yourself.

    I wish you the VERY best in your journey and hope you succeed!! emoticon
    3677 days ago
  • YAMINOKODOMO
    I know its frustrating and sometimes its just hard to change your eating habit. Believe me, I know. It took me a year to lose 30 pounds. Its crazy cause I read peoples blogs, or even reading the spark book, it took people a year to lose 100 pounds!

    I was like you, I had my ups and days. Times where I totally gave up and was like screw it! I will eventually get back into working out, I dont have to do it right now..

    At least you know you need to change up your eating habits. That's the first step right, to acknowledge that its time to start eating healthy.

    I'd say go check out the recipes on spark, there are a lot of yummy foods, like chicken alfredo and stuff like that, that are given but are a little healthier. I have tried some of the recipes and so far they are yummy, and best of all they are low on calories, so you save.

    I hope you dont give up, and just think of this as a little hill you have to climb over. Stick in there! You can do it!
    3677 days ago
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