Meet Taryn...My Own Worst Enemy...Next to Food
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Hi, my name is Taryn. I think I may have a HUGE problem...MYSELF!! Why is it, no matter how hard I try to stick to eating healthy, logging my food intake, exercising, and tracking my fitness, I just end up sabotaging myself?? I have been on here since November, '09; I have read THE SPARK! twice now; I had even started blogging about what I was learning in each chapter. Apparently I am not learning very much. I will have a good day where I eat healthy, exercise, and track everything...just to throw it all away the next day. I know the saying is "Tomorrow's another day" but how many tomorrows are there going to be? This past week I was told my sugar is running high and am borderline at becoming diabetic. Did that "scare" me into being more consistent with my weight loss journey?? NO!! Instead, today I did NOT eat breakfast, I had breaded popcorn shrimp for lunch (2 servings) and LOTS of chicken alfredo at my Early Head Start Parent Meeting tonight. Granted, I also had a good bit of salad with it, but what the heck?? I KNOW better!! I even had a small glass of Dr. Pepper today. The bad part is...NONE of this JUNK satisfied me...I was still hungry shortly after eating!! What do I have to do to myself to get it through my own head that my weight is unhealthy?? This is why I so wish I could find someone to help keep me accountable every day. Obvioiusly, I can't do it by myself...and technically, it's best to not go it alone anyhow. But I have no choice. Matt's supportive, but not very helpful, as he sits around eating ice cream and drinking soda all the time. And the Earth would come to a halt if he got off his butt once in awhile to do some form of exercise. Walking is even too much for him to manage, unless it's going out to the freezer for his ice cream. The only time I have ever lost a significant amount of weight was when I became so obsessed with working out and walking all the time that I literally was not hungry. I pretty much only ate chicken, fruits, and salads then. I had cut out ALL red meat and pork. I cut out ALL noodles, potatoes, breads...basically all starches, and only drank water. Cereals were a no for me back then as I considered them to be a starch and too many calories for the serving size allowed. Yogurt was the one sweet thing I allowed myself...once a day. It's funny, but I lost over 20 pounds doing this. And now that I am trying to eat healthier and exercise without going overboard (I was walking over 20 miles per day then), I cannot lose anything!! Something needs to give...and SOON! My health is now at stake. Maybe I just need to go back to how I did it in the past. It obviously worked. The only reason I gained any of it back was because I got pregnant, and even then still didn't start really gaining any weight until I was about 7 1/2 months along. In my last 2 1/2 months of pregnancy, I gained almost 20 pounds! And now I cannot lose anything. I had gotten down to a size 10-12. I was finally out of the Plus sizes! And now some 16's are getting too tight again. I jut don't know what to do at this point! I'm soon just about to give up. My obsession with food is either eating too much or not enough. There is no in between for me.