I am tempted ... to cheat on my husband
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Ian is out of town. He is in Chine for two weeks and I am doing the worst that I have done on my diet in two years! And I finally figured out what was going on with me (and it is not a very nice reflection on me). I am truly tempted to cheat on him.
When he and I met, I was at 240, and though that is a lot. It was less than I had weighed in 10 years. My office had been destroyed by a tornado that had hit downtown Fort Worth and six weeks later, my mother passed away. I made a total change in my life. In part, it was in penance to my mother who had been such a strong advocate for me on one hand and was so terribly critical of my appearance on the other. Anyway, as soon as my mother died, I started losing weight. And then I went on a new exercise plan: selling furniture. Which requires lots of walking if you work in a big showroom like I did. But I would just walk in large circles for hours at a time while the store was slow. Some days I would walk for two or three hours.
Any way, I started dating a really fun guy, Ted. I was crazy about him, but my family could not stand him. He was FABULOUS in bed. I told him the first time that we had sex I did not understand why he did not have a line out his front door. It was sex on a whole new level from anything that I had ever experience. He told me that the problem was that I did not have much experience. My first husband was the first man that I ever had sex with and after my divorce, I only had sex with two men before him. So he was the fourth man that I ever had sex with and I was 46 years old. He encouraged me to date other people. And I went out with Ian because Ted urged me to. Then, I dated both guys for several months, but I only had sex with Ted. Then Ted encouraged me to have sex with Ian because I had so little experience (yep, he is a pervert). So I had sex with Ian. It was okay. Nothing stellar. And it continues to be okay.
And I know that I chose the best person to marry. BUT, I know what I am missing. I know I made the best choice. My husband is more dependable. He is less stubborn (and Ian is plenty stubborn). Ian does not drive me crazy because of the MADDENING choices that he makes (Ian makes great decisions). Ian gets a long with my family. My son likes him. He is kind, considerate. He had a great job. He just is not as much fun as Ted.
So, I am so tempted to call Ted and say, "WF?" And to keep me from it, I am eating too much. Because I know I won't do it if I don't feel confident in my body. So I am sabotaging my efforts to stay faithful to my husband. And although that is a noble reason for cheating on myself. I think that I should be able to remain faithful to myself and my husband.
And with that insight, maybe i can accomplish both!