GLYPNIRSGIRL

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I am tempted ... to cheat on my husband

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Ian is out of town. He is in Chine for two weeks and I am doing the worst that I have done on my diet in two years! And I finally figured out what was going on with me (and it is not a very nice reflection on me). I am truly tempted to cheat on him.

When he and I met, I was at 240, and though that is a lot. It was less than I had weighed in 10 years. My office had been destroyed by a tornado that had hit downtown Fort Worth and six weeks later, my mother passed away. I made a total change in my life. In part, it was in penance to my mother who had been such a strong advocate for me on one hand and was so terribly critical of my appearance on the other. Anyway, as soon as my mother died, I started losing weight. And then I went on a new exercise plan: selling furniture. Which requires lots of walking if you work in a big showroom like I did. But I would just walk in large circles for hours at a time while the store was slow. Some days I would walk for two or three hours.

Any way, I started dating a really fun guy, Ted. I was crazy about him, but my family could not stand him. He was FABULOUS in bed. I told him the first time that we had sex I did not understand why he did not have a line out his front door. It was sex on a whole new level from anything that I had ever experience. He told me that the problem was that I did not have much experience. My first husband was the first man that I ever had sex with and after my divorce, I only had sex with two men before him. So he was the fourth man that I ever had sex with and I was 46 years old. He encouraged me to date other people. And I went out with Ian because Ted urged me to. Then, I dated both guys for several months, but I only had sex with Ted. Then Ted encouraged me to have sex with Ian because I had so little experience (yep, he is a pervert). So I had sex with Ian. It was okay. Nothing stellar. And it continues to be okay.

And I know that I chose the best person to marry. BUT, I know what I am missing. I know I made the best choice. My husband is more dependable. He is less stubborn (and Ian is plenty stubborn). Ian does not drive me crazy because of the MADDENING choices that he makes (Ian makes great decisions). Ian gets a long with my family. My son likes him. He is kind, considerate. He had a great job. He just is not as much fun as Ted.

So, I am so tempted to call Ted and say, "WF?" And to keep me from it, I am eating too much. Because I know I won't do it if I don't feel confident in my body. So I am sabotaging my efforts to stay faithful to my husband. And although that is a noble reason for cheating on myself. I think that I should be able to remain faithful to myself and my husband.

And with that insight, maybe i can accomplish both!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JEMPOWER
    It sounds like you've got a good partner and you made the right choice when you chose Ian. Maybe sex isn't the answer. But, having a loving life together is the answer. Someone who loves you is much better than someone who is a good sexual performer. I hope you understand that food is just as much of a temptation as sexual proclivity. I think it was strong of you to share your temptation with us and not "the other man." Good for you.

    Jem emoticon
    3057 days ago
  • -JENSSPARK-
    I haven't had much time to be on here reading blogs and following up with people, so I'm trying to catch up now. I will just speak from personal experience, being the one cheated on. Please, please, please leave your relationship before you do anything at all. I know you aren't going to cheat, and you aren't going to leave your marriage, but that's my advice. Let Ian make the choices he needs to make for himself if you find you are truly serious about this. Don't take that from him. The choices that you make will do nothing but follow you around forever. It's been 2 years since I've been through it, and I can honestly say that I don't go through a single DAY without it in my life in some way.

    You are awesome for being so honest about your feelings. I'm sure as I read the blogs that follow this that you've done the "right" thing. Treat yourself well, treat your family well and do what's best for you in the long run. I know you can do it!
    3059 days ago
  • JAUDON
    First, I am really impressed with your ability to realize this and admit it! Thats a great step toward understanding the mental side of weight issues. But, I agree with previous posters - this is not something you want to throw away. If you are happy in your relationship, it is worth working for. If not, then deal with it before moving on. It might not be what you want right now, but it will be so much healthier for you and all involved later on! Its like that piece of gooey, warm, chocolate cake with chocolate syrup - it looks sooo good, and would taste wondeful for a few minutes. But, when its gone, all you have is a bigger butt, and no real satisfaction! Hugs!
    3063 days ago
  • ANITARO1
    I agree that it takes courage to admit the things that you are....even to yourself. But, don't cheat. Get out of the relationship first. You will like yourself so much better that way. Good luck!
    3063 days ago
  • HILL_TOP
    You are on the verge of self destruction! Just don't do it. When your hubby gets back, be open with him and suggest that you'd like to spice things up, or just take control and spice things up. Maybe you could take your married life to a whole new level. But, even if he's just not inclined that way, don't cheat. Be honorable to yourself and to him and get divorced first. Looking at it in such black and white terms, hopefully you'll know what you should do. My advice is stay strong, buy some bedroom toys (there are some self indulgent ones), do anything - but don't self destruct, because if you go down the infidelity path, you probably will.

    Have you really examined whether or not there are some others issues that are making you tempted? If you really examine and deal with those issues, the right choice should make its self apparent to you.

    One thing I learned after a divorce is that it wasn't my husband that was completely to blame for my unhappiness. I was completely surprised that he only accounted for about 50% of it. The other 50% had always been in my control and I just had not empowered myself to be happy in any relationship. Empower yourself in healthy way, small steps and goals a day at a time.



    3063 days ago
  • HILL_TOP
    You are on the verge of self destruction! Just don't do it. When your hubby gets back, be open with him and suggest that you'd like to spice things up, or just take control and spice things up. Maybe you could take your married life to a whole new level. But, even if he's just not inclined that way, don't cheat. Be honorable to yourself and to him and get divorced first. Looking at it in such black and white terms, hopefully you'll know what you should do. My advice is stay strong, buy some bedroom toys (there are some self indulgent ones), do anything - but don't self destruct, because if you go down the infidelity path, you probably will.

    Have you really examined whether or not there are some others issues that are making you tempted? If you really examine and deal with those issues, the right choice should make its self apparent to you.

    One thing I learned after a divorce is that it wasn't my husband that was completely to blame for my unhappiness. I was completely surprised that he only accounted for about 50% of it. The other 50% had always been in my control and I just had not empowered myself to be happy in any relationship. Empower yourself in healthy way, small steps and goals a day at a time.



    3063 days ago
  • HILL_TOP
    You are on the verge of self destruction! Just don't do it. When your hubby gets back, be open with him and suggest that you'd like to spice things up, or just take control and spice things up. Maybe you could take your married life to a whole new level. But, even if he's just not inclined that way, don't cheat. Be honorable to yourself and to him and get divorced first. Looking at it in such black and white terms, hopefully you'll know what you should do. My advice is stay strong, buy some bedroom toys (there are some self indulgent ones), do anything - but don't self destruct, because if you go down the infidelity path, you probably will.

    Have you really examined whether or not there are some others issues that are making you tempted? If you really examine and deal with those issues, the right choice should make its self apparent to you.

    One thing I learned after a divorce is that it wasn't my husband that was completely to blame for my unhappiness. I was completely surprised that he only accounted for about 50% of it. The other 50% had always been in my control and I just had not empowered myself to be happy in any relationship. Empower yourself in healthy way, small steps and goals a day at a time.



    3063 days ago
  • SOFEDUPP
    Try to find something else to do; take a walk, read a book, go out with friends, anything. Have you considered taking up a hobby like knitting?

    Have you thought about this; what is going to happen if you do cheat? You are probably going to feel guilty, eat poorly because you do and then what? I am not judging, but I just want you to think about all that can happen.

    Stay strong!! You can get through this!!
    3063 days ago
  • BELLA44
    Don't do it! I can relate to your husband being out of the county as my husband used to travel extensively to Asia and Europe for several years and, in fact, missed a huge portion of my children's lives. There is NO doubt about it, it basically sucks to but it bluntly! I can certainly empathize with how much you miss him, but use that time to stay connected to him...reach out--send emails, letters, cards, etc. Also...it sounds like you have been dealing with some major life changing stressors with the death of your mother and the hurricane that you need to give yourself time to emotionally heal and deal with all that and an affair, even if it's just once, will just add further stress and emotional overload. Exciting as an affair can seem and no matter hour great the physical relationship may be, I agree with PEACHES 3954 that it's another avoidance technique just like food. You've ticked off a list of really great things about Ian that, trust me, those are not qualities that are easy to find or replace in a partner. Hold on to those! But, none of us are in your marriage and do not know all the details, but if it's been working, don't throw it away over this temptation. Please know that I am not judging you at all, just seriously empathizing with you and here for you, as we all are! Email me anytime if you need to talk! ~Bella
    3063 days ago
  • PEACHES_3954
    First off, I think it is great that you can openly admit such feelings. I know I personally would deny it to all ends. I would just suggest that you talk to you husband while he is away. Remind yourself in a good and healthy way why you love him. Instead of using food as an avoidance try shopping, or going for walks, listening to music, taking a long bubble bath, something that is good for YOU! You need to make you happy first. I hope that helps a little. Good luck emoticon
    3063 days ago
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