Sunday, January 31, 2010
(This is from my regular weight loss blog, www.losingitmr.wordpress.com)
Reality always seems to have a way of slapping us in the face.
Not just a “How dare you!” kind of slap, but more of a “Hey! Wake up, stupid! I’m trying to tell you something!” kind of slap.
That’s the kind of reality I got hit with this week.
I’m not an idiot, I know I’ve gained weight this past year. My jeans and slacks are tighter and a size bigger than they were last Christmas, shirts and jackets don’t fit the way they used to and that damned scale … well, it’s not really my friend these days.
I’ve been guaging my weight gain according to the weight I lost eight years ago; in the eight months surrounding my divorce, I lost 115 pounds and went from a size 24 to a 12. It came off much too quickly and I knew, eventually, some of it would come back. I vowed, however, that there was no way I’d be the size I was before.
I’m not that size or that weight – but I’ve officially hit the half-way mark. And while I knew that was a bad thing, I wasn’t really aware of just how bad until I had my picture taken this week.
Smack! “Hey! Wake up stupid! I’m trying to tell you something!”
The first thing I heard when I saw that picture yesterday was, “Wow. That’s me. That’s not me, is it? Yep, that’s me. Wow.”
Then I sprung into action. OK, first I had a meltdown with a friend, then I sprung into action. I signed up for www.sparkpeople.com, a free site designed to help with weight loss and healthful living. I’ve planned out my menus for the week, and my exercise regimen.
I have friends who are eager to help – one will serve as a trainer as the weather changes and I try to take up running (I say “try” because I’ve never been a runner before. Never.); another has promised to “uber nag” me when she thinks I’m slipping; and one will do what she’s been doing for more than a year – help me find healthier foods to eat and more effective ways to work out.
I’ve also been struck with the kind of reality that tells me that for far too long I’ve let my weight and my size be my identity, and that’s just wrong. I’ve been thin, I’ve been large and larger, but I’ve always been the same person. Same personality, same sense of humor, same everything.
So while I’m going to continue to work out, change my eating habits and still work on dropping a size or two by the time my son graduates in May, I’m also taking back my identity.
It’s so much more than my size.