It's ONLY a Donut--or is it??
Friday, January 29, 2010
I woke early this morning (3:00 AM early). As I laid in bed trying to talk my body into more sleep, the first hunger pangs I'd felt in a week began to twinge in me. I've been sick and haven't really eaten anything for the past five days or more.
Images of the glazed donut, which I knew was waiting just for me in the kitchen, began to dance in my head. Now here is my rationale. Even if I ATE that donut, I would in no way jeopardize my weight loss, after all, I'd added up my calories in the past days, and had not gone over 500 in any day. SURELY my body NEEDED the nutrition and calories contained in that single, innocent donut? And had not the dietician herself told me to put aside tracking calories and avoiding sugar during my illness?
That's what I told myself.
And these things are all probably true.
So why am I now, having already consumed said edible, struggling with feelings of guilt and fear? Is this my old eating disorder rearing it's ugly head? I think, more than that, it is my fear that I've crossed the line from desperation to lose weight into feeling "not SO fat" now that I've lost fifteen of the 60 I plan on losing this year. After all, am I not moving around with greater ease? Fitting into my size 16 jeans again? And thus, I feel "safe" eating things like donuts.
This my friends, is the great trap into which I've fallen for every single weight loss attempt in my recent history. I think it is truly because I do not see myself realistically. I really AM still obese. I DO still need to lose significant weight.
How can I avoid this pitfall? Do any of you struggle with this problem? What suggestions can you offer to help me to realistically view the fact that I still need to lose a bunch of weight?