Why I want to lose weight
Friday, January 22, 2010
For so long, I was satisfied being fat. I do not judge people based on their appearance and did not think that I should be judged on my appearance either. I thought that people that did so were "fattists" (I do not know if that is a word, but I bet you know what I mean). So I went around being defiantly fat.
Before I was defiantly fat, I tried hard to lose weight. I struggled with being overweight. I weighed 145 pounds (I am 5'7") when my ex-husband told me that I was fat, I believed him. I proceeded to gain 10 pounds while struggling to lose weight. I continued to gain weight when I hit 180, I decided that there was no point continuing to struggle and eased up to 343 pounds - my top weight.
I weighed 343 pounds when my only child, my son got married. It was seeing the wedding pictures - one of the happiest days of my life (my son married a young woman that I love as if she were a daughter and they are a great couple) and there I was. FAT. REALLY FAT. I judged me. I became a fattist. I could not believe what I had done to myself. No wonder people groaned if I got assigned to sit next to them on a plane. No wonder I could not squeeze into a theatre seat. No wonder I was uncomfortable.
And I decided I could stop being defiantly fat. I could lose weight and people that love me could still love me for myself and not for how I look. That people could make their own opinions of me and I would not require them to look beyond the fat. I could look normal.
I have lost a lot of weight but I am still fat. I weight 280 pounds now. I still have a long weigh to go. I can be healthy and energetic for my loved ones. I can look good in pictures. I can be me ... and not be fat.