Really disappointed!

Friday, January 15, 2010

So I went to my doctor today, to discuss many a thing, as I normally do when I go. I went to discuss my foot and my medication and all, and when I was done, I went to see the nurse, because her scale goes up high enough, where my doctor's only goes to 23st (322lbs) or so.

When I stepped on the scale before Christmas, it weighed me at 189kg (although the nurse had put down 187kg) and when I stepped on this time...

Well, I was expecting to be down weight. But I've also been under the impression than the last time I was weighed, that I weighed 189kg.

So when I stepped on this time and I weighed *190kg* I pretty much almost broke down in tears. How does a person gain 3kg, I kept on asking myself, in 2 weeks?

(I know myself that it's easily done. Hell, 2 weeks in Florida and I gained almost 6kg, so I know it's more than possible, but when one is trying to diet... god knows.)

It's taken me almost 2 and a half hours to realise that it's not the end of the world. Being weighed before Christmas, I didn't even try to diet over Christmas. I ate two helpings of my Mum's home-made banoffee pie on New Year's Day. I ate a double helping of Christmas pudding with Baileys liqueur cream between Christmas and New Year. On Christmas day, I had something like six pigs in blankets, at least a double serving of turkey, six stuffing balls and a heap of honey-glazed carrots and onions.

It's entire possible that between weighing in before Christmas and starting SparkPeople, that I'd actually gained weight. More than possible: probable. The amount of sweets and shortbread and stuff we had around the house (NOT TO MENTION MUM'S CHRISTMAS CAKE, of which I'm pretty much convinced I ate at least 1/3 of) and yeah.

The only problem now is that I'm at my start weight that I've put at SparkPeople. Only it's not my starting weight. It's my weight today, it's what I weighed today in the nurse's office, asking her to read the output because I couldn't see past my stomach. It's my weight now.

And I told my Dad: "apparently I've gained 3kg since Christmas." I told my Mum the same thing, and she said: "how do you gain weight while you're trying to diet. I've heard you exercising?"

"What are you doing wrong?" Dad asked.

"I DON'T KNOW," I yelled at him, almost in tears. "IF I KNEW, I'D STOP DOING IT, AND I'D STOP GAINING WEIGHT, WOULDN'T I?"

So there it is. My big disappointment, my realisation. My panic, hopefully over.

Fingers crossed that the number on the scale IS going down. Fingers crossed that I just didn't see it go that far up in the first place.

Fingers crossed.

I can totally do this.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, hon, don't get too frustrated with yourself. Trust me, I know how it feels to beat one's self up over times like this, because I've done it to myself many times. The best thing we can do is move forward and keep working on our new, healthier habits, and NOT hate on ourselves if we slip up.
    Also, I'm proud of you for sticking to your resolve even through your frustrations, and telling yourself "I can do it!" because YOU CAN! I believe in you! You go, girl! :D
    3350 days ago
    Your blog was so full of pain i feel so bad for you.. take it one day at a time.. we are all here for the same reason to lose weigh and get health.. it do not happen over night..
    the best to you emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3351 days ago
    OH .. been there done that .. I no longer own a scale and if I didn't get weighed at the doctor's or weight watchers I'd have no idea what it was.. just want to FEEL good. That's my goal.

    I found some folks around me less than supportive so I've minimized contact or discussion with them and found those (like SPARKS folks) that will help me because they've been there and bought the T-shirt.

    Have faith .. Good that you don't give up~!
    3351 days ago
    You can't always believe the scale. I've been doing Bootcamp and apparently I put on 3kg in ONE week. Some of that must be muscle. Maybe that explains your gain as well. Don't let it put you off your goal.
    3352 days ago
    Hi there, if you read my Sparkpage I have this love/hate relationship with the scale I had it for almost 3.5 years ! Like you I tend to get very discouraged with gains, despite all my efforts I get totally, totally frustrated. However, it might be water gain, your time of the month do not take it as weight gain. You are on the right path, take of yourself, you need to look forward and not back. Take care, Josée emoticon
    3352 days ago
  • no profile photo MAWMAWTAMERA
    My dear, SparkFriend, please don't put yourself down or dwell on this any longer. You obviously know why the scale count did not go down - the holiday food, but since you have determined that, you are ready to face those events better in the future. With what you listed, you could have faced so much more of a disappointment, but you didn't and I believe that is because you were monitoring what you did before and after those events and you were putting effort into your exercising. Everything you do matters and you have your head around what you need to do, so it is just one day at a time. BTW - don't worry about negative comments or rough questions, just put one foot forward at a time. We all have rough spots, but the smooth ones are much more enjoyed because we made it pass the others! Keep your spirits up, because you will succeed!! emoticon
    3352 days ago
    I'm a scale watcher too, but I try not to let the numbers completely rule how I feel about myself. You said you started exercising in addition to the diet. If you weren't exercising at all before, it is entirely possible that you converted some fat to muscle. Muscle weighs more even though you are actually a bit smaller, and a bit healthier. This often happens, don't let it get it drive you down and out. Good Luck - sending hugs. emoticon
    3352 days ago
    Yes, yes, I agree with every comment. Please do this for yourself. Stick with it and it will begin to pay off. I think one thing we all have in common when we start a weight loss journey is impatience. You didn't put it on in a day, or a week and it is going to take time to take it off. Just remember it is a journey well worth taking because your health is everything! emoticon
    3352 days ago
    Wooooah - back off here! At the start of your blog you said that your weight was 189Kg before Christmas, "though the nurse put it down as 187". So, over the Christmas period no doubt you put on weight - didn't we all! Now you're Sparking - and you're already back to just 1Kg over your pre-Christmas weight.

    I think you can be proud of what you've done! OK so you don't know what you weighed on, say, January 2nd after Christmas, New Year and Hogmanay, but I bet you're well down on that!

    Wait till your next weigh-in and see what the relatives make of you then.
    3352 days ago
  • ALLYB91
    oh sweetheart i can feel your anguish, so no real words of wisdom, just this - be kind to yourself, treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would someone else in the same situation. I am sending you the biggest hug you can imagine, Ali xx
    3352 days ago
    This is something that takes time, you know now that how you ate over the holidays, like all of us was not the best. Lord knows I didn't do great. But just know that everyday and every change you make will help. You CAN do this and you WILL do this. Just stick to it and don't let disappointment stop you!! Let it encourage you and use it!! GO GIRL GO!
    3352 days ago
    No, no, no. You must not be hard on yourself. Your body is simply adjusting to a new life - it's like moving into a new house, first everything must be unpacked before it feels like home. Your body is simply exploring it's new home... Everything will work out, but you must keep going and have faith.

    I am very careful who I talk to about this journey - in fact my Spark friends are my real support - and that's why I love this place!!! (I'm sorry about your family's reaction...)

    You are doing great - let your body get used to its new home - it will be fine.

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    3352 days ago
    3352 days ago
  • VEMAN1
    Things will work out. Have faith in yourself. This journey which you began has been travelled by many. Your journey may be the first real time you are doing something for yourself. Enough said on that topic.

    Look into the mirror and tell yourself you will do this lifestyle. Yes, writing down what we put in our mouths sounds a bit wonked; but, I have come to realize the distortions between reality and perception are vast. Turning off the world means turning on you. I look forward to watching your progress. I think you will be amazed.

    3352 days ago
    Focus on the positive changes you've made, and the momentum you're building, not the number. Best of luck on this journey! :)
    3352 days ago
  • EDEN30
    Hang in there it does take time to lose weight. You can do this.
    3352 days ago
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