Returning again, again

Friday, January 15, 2010

I hope this doesn't become a life-long thing for me, but I have a habit of starting things -- lots of things -- and then never finishing them. I am sure that is nothing shocking to most people, but it's a major source of frustration for me. The reason I start things like trying to get in shape is because I want the end result! So why do I keep giving up before I get there?

I've slowly been working my way through the muddle that is "What do I do now that I've graduated from college?" You see, once you finish college, unless you're one of the people who knows they want to get married and have 2.5 kids and a white picket fence, there is no longer a pre-defined "end goal." Up until this point, it's been easy: go to school.

School is over now. I could always go back to school, go for a graduate degree, but I am honestly burnt out. I am an idealist to a fault, and it's hard for me to see the tangible results that academic work in the field I'm in would provide.

There are plenty of things I want to do. Depression makes me feel like they're not worthwhile, but I ALWAYS want to do them. I've decided that this year I will actually start to do things. Nothing ever hurts as much as I'm afraid it does, but I keep doing the one thing I know keeps hurting me (not doing!). Why? What a waste of time, energy, effort, of youth!

Here's a few things on my to-do list for 2010:

1. Travel to London
2. Run a 5k
3. Take a dance class or join a team sport
4. Pay off my credit cards
5. Set up my business

1. I am an Anglophile. A lot of Americans are, and a lot of English majors are, so I can't claim originality here. What I really want to do is travel the world, but I figure I should cut my teeth (and my passport) by going to the one place I've been dreaming of visiting since I was a little girl. My main goal in visiting London is to hit up the sights and sounds that inspired the writers I love. Of course, this also means "London" equals "England" because, last time I checked, Canterbury wasn't next to Big Ben.

2. I have mixed feelings about running. Mainly, I think I like it. But I like it with a purpose. If it's not actively doing something more than getting me from point A to point B all sweaty and tired, I hate it! So I am setting a running goal for myself to motivate me to actually run every day. "For fitness" just doesn't cut it -- besides, athletic goals are something I want to build up into. Maybe eventually I'll aim to run a marathon or compete in a triathlon. Maybe.

3. Part of why I've avoided doing this is because I hate my body. It's dumb, but there it is. Because of this, I've been afraid of -using- it -- so I've avoided dance, even though I kind of want to try, and team sports, even though I love them. I've always told myself, "Once you get in shape, you can do that!" Dance studios and team sports advertising that you can use their services -to get into shape- don't phase me; I never wanted to be "the fat one" and I never went to see whether I would be or not. I think, though, that this falls under the category of "once I'm there." So this is a goal for when I get into better shape. More specifically, I'm looking at playing soccer or taking jazz/modern dance.

4. These have been haunting me for 6 years now. They're not insurmountably huge, but they are uncomfortably large. The balances aren't killing my credit score yet (I'm carrying ~40% of my available credit), but it's silly to have this and the monthly payments hanging over my head are scary, especially since I also have student loans. I want to GET RID OF THESE! I don't think I can quite do it in 2010, but I can certainly reduce them by at least half.

5. I don't like working for other people. I also don't like not being in control of what my work is used for. So, there's this. It would help satisfy my idealistic self -- I could do something that meant something to me -- as well as my control-freak self. ;)

So... that's where we're starting.

Let's see where we end up!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NH_MOM
    I enjoyed visiting London(my hubby is from England). We went on the London Eye, saw the Trafalgar Square, Tower Bridge, Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. There were 2 or 3 more things, but we ran out of time. I'd love to go back and visit sometime. I was thinking of starting a running program. I found one here on SP that starts out with walking which I'd have to do since I haven't been concentrating on my cardio very much. I'm curious to know what you are going to do or if you are following a plan. It's great you've set some goals. Good luck with everything!
    3017 days ago
    Those are wonderful goals. I am currently reading the Spark and it talks about setting deadlines and breaking your goals into smaller chunks.

    1. Get your passport, save money (they have travel plans that let you make monthly payments to help you spread the cost out).

    2. I don't love running either, but it is one of the best calorie burners. Again start slow (if you haven't already)

    3. You can do it!! Maybe start with a video and/or find out what kind of dancing you like best.

    4. Me too. I am focused on paying one off first (the smallest balance) and using the payment for that one and the monthly payment of the other to pay off the next and so on.

    5. There are a lot of internet (work from home) businesses to try.

    Best wishes
    3017 days ago
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