Thursday, January 07, 2010
When I get overwhelmed, I become a victim of life, I react to the stress by trying to cope, often in dysfunctional and temporary solutions - munching, video gaming, tv. When I get ahead of the curve, I choose how to manage being overwhelmed - walks, deep breathing, music and dance. That's when I feel like I'm conciously choosing life. I want to be present through the process and manage the challenges the healthiest way possible. I want to learn from my experience - get the gift from it - no matter how difficult it might be. I find this method of 'being' much more fullfilling and effective. Choices become obvious and easy. Easy because when I'm truely present, the fullness of compassion for the situation presents choices that are clear - yet still choices that I must decide upon. The deciding can be tricky - even with an open heart. My challenge right now is to figure out how to stay ahead of the curve, to consistantly "choose" life, and not get caught up in reacting to being overwhelmed by numbing with food and electronics. My 1st guess is get enough sleep ( a challenge with a 10 wk. old), my 2nd is get back to some creativity (I've totally dropped all creative activity - I only work and numb). The baby is sleeping longer nights, so I see a light at the end of the tunnel. This morning I'm getting chilcare and going to play with some clay. It's odd, I'm having to make myself. I want to work and numb out...I'm trying to break the pattern - break the spell - do something different. What's so strange is that creating was the pattern before. I think day trading created this bizarre response cycle. I'm letting go of the dysfunctional reacting pattern with the waning of the moon. New moon I'll fully birth a new pattern. For now I'll practice. I'm off to the studio!
Choosing life, being in the present