Wednesday, January 06, 2010
I'm a perfectionist. It sucks.
I'm still working on it, I dont know why I am the way I am. But I expect myself to be perfect. AND I AM NOT PERFECT. I hold on to things for years and years. Not things about you, but things about me. Like little things. Like that one time a year ago where I drank too much wine and fell off my chair. Really? who gives a rats a$$? If it was someone else, I wouldnt even remember, nor care.
How do I let it go? How do I stop this endless cycle of self disappointment? I'm not sure, , conciously telling myself to let it go.
That's what this year is about. Taking the time to get the things done I need to do, without the self-punishment for not doing it perfectly. Picking myself up by my bootstraps and repeating to myself that it's ok I ate three chili dogs last night, I'm a work in progress, no one is perfect. Telling myself that my husband telling me to park in that spot isn't a personal attack on his dislike for me, its just that when he's driving, he'd park there.
NO ONE ELSE IS THIS HARD ON ME WHY SHOULD I BE?
luckily, there is some progress, I find myself defaulting to happy and reminding myself that I'm worth it, I'm deserving and I'm beautiful just as I am. Some day it'll be automatic and not a thought but rather a fact, in the meantime I'll keep working on it.
after all, no one is perfect.
Sending love out to you all, and even more to myself.