MAROSES
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aging gracefully...made me smile i thought i would share it

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

> > > *Aging gracefully*> > > > > > "$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me I> > > dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that> > > > > > used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I> > > started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with> > > the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said,> > > "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."> > > > > > > > > I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change> > > hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood> > > > > > there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet -- a mere child! Senior citizen?> > > > > > > > > I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong> > > with Emo.> > > Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?> > > > > > > > > I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I> > > strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.> > > > > > > > > Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of> > > > > > me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?> > > > > > > > > "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter> > > disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind> > > > > > hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"> > > > > > > > > I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the> > > ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried> > > another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from> > > my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.> > > > > > > > > Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat.> > > Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut> > > on the dashboard.> > > > > > > > > Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.> > > Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be> > > leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in> > > the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I> > > reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.> > > > > > > > > I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the> > > restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail> > > polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could> > > say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready> > > to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home> > > and apply for Social Security benefits.> > > > > > > > > Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad> > > came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a> > > drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by> > > > > > mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly> > > apologized.> > > > > > > > > She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like> > > this all the time."> > > > > > > > > All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was> > > racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not> > > > > > too old to be driving this fast.> > > > > > > > > As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I> > > handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in> > > my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.> > > > > > > > > The good news was I had successfully found my way home.> > > > > > > > > -*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-> > > > > > > > > *Just in case you weren't feeling too old today:*> > > > > > > > > The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991.> > > > > > > > > They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.> > > > > > > > > Their lifetime has always included AIDS.> > > > > > > > > The CD was introduced two years before they were born.> > > > > > > > > They have always had an answering machine.> > > > > > > > > They have always had cable.> > > > > > > > > Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.> > > > > > > > > Popcorn has always been microwaved.> > > > > > > > > They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.> > > > > > > > > They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.> > > > > > > > > They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile for a Camel', or> > > 'de plane, Boss, de plane'.> > > > > > > > > McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.> > > > > > They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.> > > > > > ....AND they never knew our world without PLASTIC!> > > > > > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~> > > > > > > > > Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.> > > > > > Notice the larger type?> > > > > > That's for those of us who have trouble reading.> > > > > > P.S.. Save the earth.. It's the only planet with chocolate.> > > > > > Tony
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