It's a brand New Year!! Is this MY year??!!

Sunday, January 03, 2010

It's a Brand New Year and once again I am looking at the New Year with big dreams. That's all they have been... dreams. I stopped setting goals for the New Year many many years ago because I always failed!!

For some reason this year feels different... like this is the year FOR ME!! I have never actually thought that before, so I am hoping my gut feeling is right.

I am at the heaviest weight I have ever been. I am miserable... truly miserable. To be honest, I have even consulted with a Lap Band surgeon. In my heart, I really don't want to go that route, but I am starting to feel desperate. I am a loner now. I only have one close friend that I confide in and it's at an "arms distance" length. I have pushed everyone else away because of my weight. I have used my weight as an excuse for everything!! I used to have so many friends and loved entertaining and having fun. Now I find any excuse not to have fun. How sad am I? My poor children do not deserve this at all. Did I mention that I am a Girl Scout leader too. Oh boy, the places we could have went if I wasn't so heavy.

Wow, I have never written a blog before so this feels a little weird... but I will admit something...it feels really good to write down what I am feeling right now.

I think that I will start writing things down, which is something I never do. Maybe if I write down (or blog) my TRUE and HONEST thoughts and feelings I will start to see what's really "eating" at me and start to change my life for the better. I am actually creating goals this year... I know that throughout the year I will add more goals too. Well, here goes...

GOALS for 2010:
Stop Procastinating
Love, Love and truly Love my family & myself
Allow my husband to love me
Have more patience
Stop being afraid of everything (this one bugs me...I will elaborate more later)
Be more active... i'm not calling it exercise or else I won't do it
Be less involved with my daughters' school and more focused on my home & family (more details later)

That's it for now... I know that there are more to come for sure... I just feel that this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Happy New Year to all of you and may all of your hopes and wishes come true :)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • 2MOMMY2
    Wow, Thank you for all for your kind words and encouragement!!

    I really do believe that I need support from people going through what I am going through!! My hubby is my best friend and biggest supporter, but he truly cannot understand the way that I feel in my heart and in my head. You know the thoughts that we heavy people always have... like can I fit in that booth or that seat, etc.... My hubby was heavy many, many years ago until he was hospitalized and diagnosed with diabetes. Well, he immediately lost 60 lbs. and conquered the diabetes beast and the overweight beast. I am proud of him!!
    What I am trying to say is that I need to reach out and ask for help from this awesome place!! Maybe I have been alone in my thoughts and misery for way tooooo long!! I will reach out and learn from everyone here on Sparkpeople!!
    Have a Blessed Day!! I already am!!

    3030 days ago
    Happy New Year! Good luck with your goals this year.
    3035 days ago
  • BIGGIRL2082010
    Hon, if you just focus on changing ONE little thing for now and stay consistent with that, that alone will propel you to bigger and bigger things as the year goes by. You CAN do this, just focus on TINY changes to start with!

    And for inspiration, go read BOTZZZ's blogs ... he started SP when he weighed 534 pounds - today he's somewhere less than 330 pounds. He, too, started with very similar feelings to what you describe, isolating himself from others, considering surgery, etc. He decided to try to do some work on his own - and the rest is history! Check out his blogs: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage.a

    Believe me - the ONLY thing stopping you is probably whatever YOU believe - so, choose to believe you are MORE than what your weight is! There is a joyful, vibrant person inside you - choose to be THAT person!


    3035 days ago
    You can make it your year this year, it sounds like you are ready.

    You can make all your goals come true. You can do this thing!
    3035 days ago
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