Is something wrong with me?
Saturday, January 02, 2010
I don't understand why I let myself get so upset.
There are certain people that I have been friends with for a very long time. I did more for some of these friends than I did for members of my own family. Helping buy diapers, gas, other stuff...you get the idea. Some would return the favor, some would not. That was ok then.
Now that I have a family, and my own kids to worry about, I feel like those same 'friends' have moved on. I love my children more than life itself, but sometimes I need a break. I would love to go out to dinner, or just for coffee. But you see, these people (I keep saying that, but really it is one person in particular I am thinking of) have found other friends, and I guess I just don't fit in with her new crowd. On a certain social networking site (I just wanted to use that term), she is always talking about going to do this, going to do that, going to a hockey game, going out with "the girls". But you see, I guess I am not one of "the girls".
It just hurts to always see everyone else going out and having fun, but I feel like I am the one that gets stuck at home. I feel like she considers me the "fat friend". You know the type. The "fat friend" is the one that it is ok to be friends with....online. The "fat friend" can write you an email, and you might answer....eventually.
I am so sick of feeling like this whenever I see her posts. It's an unhealthy relationship...if you would even call it a relationship. I have seen her do so much stuff...stuff that she would get in trouble for if the right (or wrong) people found out.
I have felt betrayed by her so many times...yet I cannot seem to break the tie.
I wish that someone would tell me why? Why am I unable to break free from a person that has obviously been causing me more harm than good? It seems like the only time she contacts me directly is when she has some juicy gossip about someone we both know. She can't call just to say hi. And when I have taken the time to call her, half the time I feel like she is listening, but she isn't really hearing what I am saying. Make sense?
I feel a little better now. OK, not really. But I had to get this off my chest. Sometimes I feel like the people who actually care about how I am doing are people that I have never even met.