WARINING: big vent coming on...
so here i was for weeks all completely stoked on beginning round 3 of chalean extreme on 1.3.10...i couldn't wait!!! i knew it would get my body looking great and strong...
through december i had shoulder pain and such, i went easy with the lifting so i'd be okay and good as new to begin chalean extreme tomorrow...i listened to my body and was doing light and moderate exercise for the past week or so to give my body a break.
well apparently, that wasn't good enough
i was focusing more on my lower body since i couldn't do upper, and yet somehow i wound up hurting that too. grrr
here is the list, amplied named "diane's problems" as given to me by my chiropractor when i asked to write down everything that is wrong with my body right now, of the which does not
even include pain i'm feeling with the cold & fibromyalgia...i will nickname this list "FML"
-pectoralis spasming (both sides)
-bicep spasming (left side)
-supraspinat/infraspinatus inequality (rotator cuff spasming)
-fibular head malpositioned
-foot numbness due to more proximal malposition in leg
am i pissed? YES am i infuriated? YES am i depressed? YES
right now, i feel like a completely worthless, useless piece of crap excuse for a human body...and if you are going to comment saying how much worse people have it- please, spare me that, don't want to hear it.
but really..i exercise regularly..ALWAYS warm up, cool down and stretch, take one day rest at least a week..and then all this is happening.
i really, truly, honestly thought all my shoulder/pec pain would be gone by now...the doctor said (well more like begged and argued with my stubborn blonde butt) that i need to rest them at least another week and from there, God willing, i should be able to start lifting again
i really love weight lifting..i can't explain it..the feeling i get of strength and power after an amazing strength training workout..plus what it does for me mentally how happy and in a good mood it makes me...and let's not forget how lifting regular helps tone these stupid fat sausages attached to my shoulders..i hate my arms, i despise my arms..i think they are huge and squishy and gross, it's a rareity i feel confident enough to go out in tank tops because of how much i loathe them...lifting weights, and especially after my last round of chalean extreme began me starting to have peace with my arms and notice their shape...
now that i haven't lifted in almost 2 weeks really and worse that i have to wait another week, i swear i don't see as much muscle tone, they feel and look jiggly, wobbly, gross and disgusting again. i could cry...
okay so maybe i've been crying
it's just, wanting to work out SO BAD..i mean the dedication i have, i wake up at 4:30am if i have to squeeze a workout in, i never make excuses, and practically never miss a workout unless there's severe pain like this...but it's like when my mind SO BADLY wants to do something and give it 100% and i am physically unable to, plus the added insecurities of how terrible i look, it takes such a huge toll on me mentally..i feel very, very down & depressed right now, more then i can explain.
i can't really do cardio either at this point because of the lower body hurting too..like i said, i'm useless..i felt my calves hurting after i tried a sprinting/running game on the wii fit the other day...i ignored it the 1st day thinking it was "muscle soreness" since i am not a runner but then the second day it got even worse and i was limping..the chiropractor office was closed so i took it easy...went in today, complained about my calf pain, the doctor (btw i work at the office part time...thank god for free adjustments!) and the doctor told me about the fibular head..basically there are 2 bones between you knee and ankle: a thicker bone & a thinner bone...well, somehow i managed to pop the thinner bone out of place!!!!
ouch...many ouches..yea...so the doctor worked on me a long time (we were slow today. worked out in my benefit) and tried popping it back in place..he said hopefully if he works on it a few times it will go back and be okay...
again, like with my arms, i was threatened to stay off it and take it easy.
i know i'm whining like a little biotch, and i do apologize, but hey, my blog, my writing LoL...but no, i just can't believe this...it's 2010..i'm seeing weight loss commercials and crap nonstop for resolutions making me want to work out even more and harder then i usually do...and all i can do right now is sit on the damn couch and watch tv...really, i don't handle injuries well...i get very pessimistic and down very fast...i feel like i am never going to get the body i want
super depressed & unhappy, 2 days into the new year and miserable already...there goes my resolution of being more happy, cheery & optimistic.
i feel like i disappointed and let friends down..i had so many people ready to begin this round of chalean extreme with me...and i can't start tomorrow...praying i can begin next weekend!!!! one week delay is enough. ugh