"Enjoy life diane, live a little & eat this ]CRAP]" !?!#%$*(&^$

Friday, December 11, 2009

so i've been working as a receptionist part time for a chiropractor for almost 4 years...granted i do not get enough hours (lESS THEN 20 A WEEK), my boss & i are super close- she's practically my older sister...in fact that's probably why i haven't quit this dead end job yet and moved on, but that's a completely different story LoL...

anyway, last night i went out to dinner with my boss, her husband, her mom (who i love like an older aunt), her new baby, the other chiropractor in the office & the 3 other receptionists...we went to an italian restaurant, funny b/c i just posted that "how to survive italian dining" thing... emoticon

emoticonso i have to add an important part- we went after the office closed, dinner at 9pm- no way dude, sorry. I brought dinner to the office as i usual do & ate around 5:30ish (dinner time)...i pre-planned knowing it was late and 1)my body does not like to eat after 8pm and 2) italian food is equally delicious & fatty. i should know, it's part of what got me heavy to begin with so my intentions were to get a bowl of soup so i wasn't rude and at least nibble SOMETHING and call it a day...

now to be fair, had dinner been earlier and i would of have at least 3 hours before bed, i would have ordered more and not cared as much...but really, if i eat & especially if i eat heavy before bed- my stomach will kill me. emoticon

so we're all at the table..everybody is ordering what they want...i'm not paying attention to whatever anyone else gets because in all honesty, unless you specifically ask me to help you eat healthier, i am not going to sit there to analyze and judge your good or bad food choices...food is yummy...whatever, okay...have yourself a feast if you so desire.

bread basket comes out...i thank the lord i have this crazy super willpower against all bread baskets except for those evil cheddar biscuits at red lobster...so i start hearing "one roll won't kill you diane"...ugh...i flat out said i'm not a big bread chick, and that's the truth.

everyone's soup & salad comes out except my soup since it's my meal...i didn't get a salad b/c i had a salad (with salmon in it) for dinner and well from experience, i learned now to overdo raw veggies..."diane, why aren't you eating? don't you want soup???"...me: "yes, i got soup as my meal" emoticon

so then the main entries come out...people ordered chicken parmasean that i admitted did look enticing, eggplant rollatini which also looked divine, chicken franchese, and veal marsala...hey, i said i don't judge, not that i don't look and inhale..it actually all looked kind of yummy minus the veal b/c i don't eat much meat except chicken & turkey- and even with that i'm weird about it...but yea everyone ordered their food, and what i did notice the portion sizes were AT LEAST triple the size they should be...

out comes my cute little bowl of italian wedding soup...the remarks start..."that's your dinner?!?"..."you can't be serious?"...::sarcastically:: "wow diane, you ordered so much food, can you finish that all?"....i was getting annoyed...i simply stated i did eat already & my body does not react good with big meals so late which led to further remarks "live a little."..."falling off your wagon once in a while will not kill you"..."enjoy the moment. eat what you want"...and my personal favorite, "your so skinny you can eat without worrying" (do i even begin to go into details on that last one??) emoticon

so i ate my soup, enjoyed my soup...everybody wanted me to "taste" their food...usually i would have a bite but lately dairy + my stomach have been arch enemies so it wasn't worth the risk of stomach pain for the yummy mozzarella, especially when i have a vegan substitute one at home that's even better for me...but i am/was a self proclaimed "cheese addict" so me not having the cheese only led to further commenting LoL...side note- since giving up dairy (THANK GOD FOR COCONUT MILK BASED ICE CREAM when the craving hits. the brand is so delicious. seriously- amazing x10), my stomach got A LOT flatter!

another thing about those who know me, when i am going to have enjoyable food (aka cheat meals) i always will use dessert, sweets & the likes instead of actual meals...thats always my weapon of choice and downfall...i have a sweet tooth & it's what i enjoy...at my boss' shower in november, it was 1 in the afternoon & i had TWO slices of chocolate mousse cake...they know i eat when i want to.

emoticonso dessert & coffee comes out...i didn't order dessert for 2 reasons...the main was by this time it was almost 11pm, and also i wasn't fond of the choices (cheesecake, cannoli's or snickers pie...i'm not a snickers fan. had it been reese's, i can't promise u my willpower would have prevailed)...so everyone's dessert comes out...i'm sipping on my water...the "dessert tastings" start getting pushed on me....i have a forkful of the snickers pie, barely anything just to make anyone happy & i was slightly curious...i didn't care for it...but then one of the other girls starts "have some more. if you eat more, i'll finish it"...i looked at her and said "honestly, you finishing your pie or not has no impact on me whatsoever. enjoy it"

but yea, i went home & was a bit bothered....why people have to be so damn annoying with food???...they didn't mean to hurt my feelings with it, but they really did...was i commenting on their meals? NO...so they shouldn't comment on every bite that went in my mouth...and i really, really liked my soup!!!! emoticon

and the whole "eating crap" associated with "enjoying life" and such really just got to me..i can enjoy life & i can enjoy my clean, healthy but equally yummy food and be quite content...and when i crave something not as healthy, i'll have it once in a blue...but why does eating junk have to parallel to being happy all the time? society made the two link together, especially around social gatherings and it's just not good or fair for so many of us out there who try to make good choices...guilt tripping someone for not eating crap is not cool.

i'll admit now as i previously mentioned, i wasn't doing so good with my food choices for a few months...it happens, it's the past, i'm moving on...but i finally got my head back where it should be to make the right choices nutritionally, and yes it is hard to be good while out, but i finally manage to do so and i'm left feeling like a freak or weirdo or something..it's just irritating, i needed to vent..thank you.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This blog has great timing for me. I have just lost 6 pounds and avoided foods that send me on a binge. Now I am facing a family trip with lots of food then Christmas-lots and lots of food and special sweets, then another trip-restuarants. I am worried that I will not be able to continue my progress. It took me months to recover from my last fall off the wagon...just could not catch up with it....
    I appreciate your blog tonight. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3969 days ago
    Good for you for sticking to your plans. I'm sure the others were just jealous of your will power. Misery loves company, they probably thought that if you ate the fattening junk then then they wouldn't feel so guilty about what they were eating.
    3971 days ago
    I loved your blog! I guess people want to validate their own behavior, and getting you to join in is the best way of doing that! It is crap, I totally agree, and I commend you for the fine, fantastic, fabulous you!!! job that you did! emoticon
    3972 days ago
    I love your will power and your ability to control yourself both emotionally and physically. You did an awesome job and should be very proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.
    3972 days ago
    nice post! I like your willpower. And your smart thinking, planning, and humor. Keep up the good work.

    Happy holidays!
    3972 days ago
    I understand what you're saying. I too am tired of the unsolicited comments from others when I want to stick with healthier choices and the looks, which are a mix of pity and concern. Congratulations on staying on track! Restaurants are my downfall and I probably wouldn't have gone out to eat at all, that late. But you are obviously exceedingly strong and in control.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    ETA: Congratulations also on finishing your second round of CLX! That's quite an accomplishment. I'm starting my second round January 3. Best of luck!
    3972 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/11/2009 8:34:04 PM
  • no profile photo BIRDONFIRE
    I hear you. I occasionally get comments about how I don't need to lose any weight when people find out I'm watching my calories. I may not look like I have much to lose, but I sure I don't like that roll of fat hanging on my belly.

    I'm not sure why people have to do that, unless it's because what we're trying to do somehow makes them think about their own situations. It is irritating and just as I would never make comments about how much or what they are eating, I would prefer they'd not say anything about my choices unless it's some words of encouragement.

    My "live a little" thinking is what got me in that shape I was unhappy with.

    Good for you for being strong in the face of that kind of pressure. It's not always easy.

    3972 days ago
    Good for you for standing your ground. I think a lot of people believe those of us trying to make the right choices are starving ourselves. Hope I do half as good as you next week.
    3972 days ago
    Posts like this come up often on vegan and vegetarian message boards. Why do people always say 'just on bite won't hurt? or "it only has a little egg in it?' I don't say anything about other people's food choices either and my eating habits aren't a judgment about theirs. It's personal. I don't know, maybe your healthy food choices made them feel bad about their own?

    You are absolutely right. Food=/=Happiness.

    Good for you for sticking to your guns and I'm sorry they gave you such a hard time.
    3972 days ago
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