so i've been working as a receptionist part time for a chiropractor for almost 4 years...granted i do not get enough hours (lESS THEN 20 A WEEK), my boss & i are super close- she's practically my older sister...in fact that's probably why i haven't quit this dead end job yet and moved on, but that's a completely different story LoL...
anyway, last night i went out to dinner with my boss, her husband, her mom (who i love like an older aunt), her new baby, the other chiropractor in the office & the 3 other receptionists...we went to an italian restaurant, funny b/c i just posted that "how to survive italian dining" thing...
so i have to add an important part- we went after the office closed, dinner at 9pm- no way dude, sorry. I brought dinner to the office as i usual do & ate around 5:30ish (dinner time)...i pre-planned knowing it was late and 1)my body does not like to eat after 8pm and 2) italian food is equally delicious & fatty. i should know, it's part of what got me heavy to begin with so my intentions were to get a bowl of soup so i wasn't rude and at least nibble SOMETHING and call it a day...
now to be fair, had dinner been earlier and i would of have at least 3 hours before bed, i would have ordered more and not cared as much...but really, if i eat & especially if i eat heavy before bed- my stomach will kill me.
so we're all at the table..everybody is ordering what they want...i'm not paying attention to whatever anyone else gets because in all honesty, unless you specifically ask me to help you eat healthier, i am not going to sit there to analyze and judge your good or bad food choices...food is yummy...whatever, okay...have yourself a feast if you so desire.
bread basket comes out...i thank the lord i have this crazy super willpower against all bread baskets except for those evil cheddar biscuits at red lobster...so i start hearing "one roll won't kill you diane"...ugh...i flat out said i'm not a big bread chick, and that's the truth.
everyone's soup & salad comes out except my soup since it's my meal...i didn't get a salad b/c i had a salad (with salmon in it) for dinner and well from experience, i learned now to overdo raw veggies..."diane, why aren't you eating? don't you want soup???"...me: "yes, i got soup as my meal"
so then the main entries come out...people ordered chicken parmasean that i admitted did look enticing, eggplant rollatini which also looked divine, chicken franchese, and veal marsala...hey, i said i don't judge, not that i don't look and inhale..it actually all looked kind of yummy minus the veal b/c i don't eat much meat except chicken & turkey- and even with that i'm weird about it...but yea everyone ordered their food, and what i did notice the portion sizes were AT LEAST triple the size they should be...
out comes my cute little bowl of italian wedding soup...the remarks start..."that's your dinner?!?"..."you can't be serious?"...::sarcastically:: "wow diane, you ordered so much food, can you finish that all?"....i was getting annoyed...i simply stated i did eat already & my body does not react good with big meals so late which led to further remarks "live a little."..."falling off your wagon once in a while will not kill you"..."enjoy the moment. eat what you want"...and my personal favorite, "your so skinny you can eat without worrying" (do i even begin to go into details on that last one??)
so i ate my soup, enjoyed my soup...everybody wanted me to "taste" their food...usually i would have a bite but lately dairy + my stomach have been arch enemies so it wasn't worth the risk of stomach pain for the yummy mozzarella, especially when i have a vegan substitute one at home that's even better for me...but i am/was a self proclaimed "cheese addict" so me not having the cheese only led to further commenting LoL...side note- since giving up dairy (THANK GOD FOR COCONUT MILK BASED ICE CREAM when the craving hits. the brand is so delicious. seriously- amazing x10), my stomach got A LOT flatter!
another thing about those who know me, when i am going to have enjoyable food (aka cheat meals) i always will use dessert, sweets & the likes instead of actual meals...thats always my weapon of choice and downfall...i have a sweet tooth & it's what i enjoy...at my boss' shower in november, it was 1 in the afternoon & i had TWO slices of chocolate mousse cake...they know i eat when i want to.
so dessert & coffee comes out...i didn't order dessert for 2 reasons...the main was by this time it was almost 11pm, and also i wasn't fond of the choices (cheesecake, cannoli's or snickers pie...i'm not a snickers fan. had it been reese's, i can't promise u my willpower would have prevailed)...so everyone's dessert comes out...i'm sipping on my water...the "dessert tastings" start getting pushed on me....i have a forkful of the snickers pie, barely anything just to make anyone happy & i was slightly curious...i didn't care for it...but then one of the other girls starts "have some more. if you eat more, i'll finish it"...i looked at her and said "honestly, you finishing your pie or not has no impact on me whatsoever. enjoy it"
but yea, i went home & was a bit bothered....why people have to be so damn annoying with food???...they didn't mean to hurt my feelings with it, but they really did...was i commenting on their meals? NO...so they shouldn't comment on every bite that went in my mouth...and i really, really liked my soup!!!!
and the whole "eating crap" associated with "enjoying life" and such really just got to me..i can enjoy life & i can enjoy my clean, healthy but equally yummy food and be quite content...and when i crave something not as healthy, i'll have it once in a blue...but why does eating junk have to parallel to being happy all the time? society made the two link together, especially around social gatherings and it's just not good or fair for so many of us out there who try to make good choices...guilt tripping someone for not eating crap is not cool.
i'll admit now as i previously mentioned, i wasn't doing so good with my food choices for a few months...it happens, it's the past, i'm moving on...but i finally got my head back where it should be to make the right choices nutritionally, and yes it is hard to be good while out, but i finally manage to do so and i'm left feeling like a freak or weirdo or something..it's just irritating, i needed to vent..thank you.