hi everybody (is there anyone still reading this?)
i went SIX MONTHS without blogging and quite truthfully have not been on here much at all
i've gone through lots of ups & downs in the second half of 09, mostly downs...but i am back & ready to recommited...
i will recap the last couple months as short as possible, if you know me & know my blogging, i've never written a little..so apologies in advance...
summer wasn't too great...i had a repeat of last year- the high humidity got to me and my fibromyalgia and depression flared bad...i was unable to work out much & not happy about it...i started to "give up" and didn't eat too good...didn't leave my house or do much at all for that matter except work at the chiropractor's office and wait for the days to turn into night so i can sleep
on a plus i did receive my holistic health counselor certification in july...have not done a thing with it yet because i can't find local clients for the like of me, but i still learned a ton in that school. my site is here- www.naturalfithealthcoun
september was HORRIBLE...one of the worst months of my entire life...i lost my dog pretty unexpectedly on September 25, 2009...I've had Frisco since I was 11 years old...I barely remember life without him...he was my best friend and i was pretty much obsessed with him...this has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to experience in my life...he was 12...up until this summer he seemed pretty healthy- overweight for a dachshund, but still not too bad...over the summer his breathing was a little off & i began to worry but my parents kept procrastinating bringing him to the vet...i later found out they waited so long because my dad had a feeling it was not going to be good news...anyway, they took him to the vet on a monday- came home then had to take him to a specialty animal hospital 2 hours away...came back with him and found out he had a heart murmur, cancer, leukima and bleeding tumors in his stomach...he wasn't showing any physical signs of pain so we weren't going to put him down that day...as that week went on, he gradually got worse & worse every day it was scary...by friday, he couldn't move off his pillow and was throwing up every time he would take a sip of water...despite my begging and pleading and crying (i cried the most that week i think i ever did in my life, with the exception of my grandpa's passing in 2004) they took him to the vet to end his pain...i will never forget as long as i live my dad holding Frisco in his arms and me saying goodbye to him..Frisco knew what was going on, the way he was licking me and the look in his eyes...my god i am crying as i type this...i couldn't mentally handle going to the vet's with them so i stood home layed on his pillow all afternoon and bawled my eyes out...let's not even discuss the emotional eating that week...i was a wreck...i still miss my dog sooo bad and cry about him...it is unfair i had to lose the one constant thing in my life that was always there.
around september or october i was feeling slightly better fibro wise and began slowly working out again...i picked up chalean extreme again..in the beginning of the round i was doing the strength exercises but not so much cardio and my eating habits stood crappy with everything going on...but i was consistent with the weight part so i felt muscle under my flab
the eating still wasn't the greatest throughout october, and adding more drinking and less sleeping then i should admit to (something i never did often before) my body was not looking so hot...should i even make excuses?...i was going out a little bit more and was also severely unhappy inside...but the straw that broke the camel's back was halloween...seeing pictures of me in my costume and also pictures of me around that time- i looked disgusting...i felt and looked like a blimp again...i knew i had to eat better again...it's funny when you are not happy, you can be like me and know just about everything on food and how to eat right and still not give a damn.
anyway, i finally added more cardio to my chalean lifting days and started my old eating habits...it's great how much faster i am toning and dropping lbs once my mind is set
i began a second job in november...a job in a gym in member services- right up my alley!
i was so excited to get this job, even though it was minimum wage...unfortunately i only lasted there 3 weeks...the job itself was fine- i enjoyed talking to the members and hello- free gym membership!...but sadly, my co-workers were not nice to me (they were all immature and fresh out of high school pretty much) and my manager was a big --tch!!! she wouldn't train me right, when i asked her how to do things she wouldn't answer then i'd make mistakes and she'd get annoyed..what was worse was my fibro flared and i had to call out and she told me she did not care how i felt, i had to come in no matter what
when i didn't come in, she began hating me...but seriously, how do you not care about an employee's health?!? i offered her 4 types of doctor's notes, and she didn't want to hear any of it!..for a job with no benefits and minimum wage, it wasn't worth that stress for me...
also, this past week my brother had to go for a serious surgery...thank God he seems to be ok, but this happened not even a week after i left the gym and also lost hours at the chiropractor's office because the co-workers there refuse to give me my shift back...
between all this, frisco, attempting to date someone for 2-3 months that didn't work out at all, the holidays and being lonely i've been really, really down- i guess that's why i kind of "neglected" spark, because really- who wants to hear me whine & complain all the time? i just seriously have been feeling like a 23 year old failure...i work 8 hours a week, i don't have a bachelor degree, no boyfriend, no good job...people i went to school with has successful careers and are engaged by now, it depresses me....i honestly feel worthless in the world lately. i can go on and on, but i will spare you all.
back to more of my working out & good stuff...for the past few weeks i have been consistent at 5-6 days working out with chalean extreme and also other beachbody dvds like revabs, hip hop abs and turbo jam...i just completed week 4 of the lean phase and will do lean for life until january...then i have to decide to do another round of chalean extreme or another round of p90x....man i think of what my body would be if i never stopped p90x and it gets me so sad lol....
this round of chalean extreme- i like the lean phase so much more then last round...overall i am happy with my results...it helped change the shape of my arms & whole body and especially the last 2 weeks or so that my eating has been up to par i can even see it in my stomach...i've also been doing some free weight dumbell exercises on top of the circuits every weight training day...my 2010 goal is to love my arms for the first time in my life...they always and still are my least favorite body part- i am soo self concious of them..i just want them nice, defined and sculpted.
i will also say this- the past few weeks i've been tracking my calories again..the spark app for ipod is a life savor..seriously, keeping track of everything i eat and weighing out my portions makes all the difference in the world!!!!!
as to what i weigh now- i am keeping that to myself but i am down from where i was in september/october by an impressive amount...i quit drinking except on super special occasion (xmas eve with my family will be a vino night) and i've been getting my 8 hours rest again...i will tell you this i am 15.6% body fat and my BMI is 20.6..both higher then what they were in the beginning on 2009...i want to get them both low again.
i didn't take before pictures for chalean extreme- actually until this morning when i snapped 2 pics on my camera phone i didn't take any progress pictures since march! bad bad bad! but the way i looked, you couldn't pay me money to have taken them.
i have no doubt i will get back to where i was AND BETTER...my mind is back in the "get my body looking good" game, now i have to work on actually feeling happy, if that's possible for me..and i should be alright.