Grace~ Accepting my Curves

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

I am listening to When food is food and love is love, By Geneen Roth.
I am taking my weight ( fat I carry around for 'protection' ) and health very seriously and at the same time?
I know that I do not want to measure, 'obsess' , over think, stress. live with the thought of 'deprivation' in my mind daily.
I want for food to be a pleasure in my Life. Not my FRIEND OR my ENEMY.
I have been on a diet since I was 11.
My body grew up before its time and I have been trying to 'void' it out so to speak? Ever since.
I have 'hoped' to have smaller thighs not so many curves, and not such a love affair with food for many , many years.
I honor and accept who I am now and so ... I am 'listening' to my body and eating what I want.
( like I mentioned in a previous blog, )
I am going to start to keep track of my calories, but so far I have lost 2 lbs by doing this. ( three more to go that I gained while very sick )
I am sure I am going to stumble. But with this kinder and gentler approach ? I see that I am not preoccupied with food as much.
I make healthier choices. I eat with mindfulness. I choose things I want instead of always eating what I am supposed to and not deriving much pleasure at all.
Mostly everything that is passing my lips is natural and whole.
Not cheese puffs or neon orange cheese.... I do eat 'forbidden' foods on occasion. But I will have one or 2 not the whole box or even half.
So I am sure I am going to get to the "NATURAL" weight that my body needs to be at.
It is going to take maybe a bit longer but I am ok with that.
HAPPY even , it means it is going to stay off my body for good.
And that is exciting ....
I have at times fluctuated to much?
I am making peace with myself and my body.
Also choosing to move ( exercise ) for 30 minutes a day in a way I enjoy. be it Yoga , Walking etc etc ... but not pushing myself to the limits trying to lose weight too fast.
I wasn't born to have a Body Like Kate Moss... and that is OK!!!!!
but my 'lusciousness" still needs to be a bit smaller and healthier.
I also want to set a good example for my two daughters... I do not want them to be dieting for the majority of their lives!!!!
I have either been ON or OFF a DIET for the past 27 years!!! I am frankly so done with it.
I am going to keep at this and I will keep you all posted.
But so far?
I feel great.
I am going to get this fat off my body ... once and for all.
I am accepting and loving my body TODAY not when I get to some magical number on the scale or on the label in my skinny jeans... NOW!!!!!
I love my body ... ( or at least I am beginning to :) )
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • BREW99
    Enjoying the experience is one of the best things I believe. If you love what you do and how you look, you will have a new outlook on life! My life seems so much better now that I am getting in control of what I eat and the weight I have on my body. Isn't it wonderful just as you were writing!
    4019 days ago
    You won't just be lovable when you're thinner. You're lovable NOW.
    4060 days ago
    emoticon on the weight loss, remember moderation in all things and you'll have a bod you adore hun
    4062 days ago
    I am in your very shoes!! I stopped dieting recently and I no longer count calories period. I tried again a couple of times after listening to my body thinking I would help it along to lose some of the weight. It didn't work, instead I gaied back what I lost and I was back at square one again; a dieting and self-loathing trap.

    If I could I would try to convince you to not think about calories ever again. Stop listening to that voice and other people's voices telling you that that's what you need to do, bc you don't. I have been deiting since I was 10 and it led to ED's that I have been suffering with now for 17 yrs. If you keep doing what you are doing, slowly but surely your body will return to a weight that is more suitable for it's needs. I have realized that I may never be a "certain" size again, but I will be healthier and never have to have D.I.E.T has a part of my life again.

    You sound like you are making some great discoveries and that true healing is beginning to take place. I read your blog and I read myself. I have written your words recently and I know your struggles and strengths. If you keep going I promise you that you will begin to feel this completeness, this peace for lack of better word. You become embraced by this overwhelming good and you realize what it is at that point that you need and don't. I wish you luck and further clarity on your journey. Forget about calories for a while and just discover who you are and what your body is about. You very well may find that the thought of calorie control no longer appeals to you. I finally realized that even that kind of dieting was dangerous to this type of recovery.

    Good luck!
    4062 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.