Friday, November 27, 2009

So last year about this time I started going to see a "therapist"... you know.. the shrink kind. I finally got up the nerve to deal with issues that I had been hanging onto for almost ten years.

When I was 18 I married my high school sweetheart. I endured almost 2 years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I see now how it has affected every aspect of my life since. I went to therapy from november of last year until around february when I decided I was "all better" and quit taking my antidepressants and stopped going to counseling.

Since I quit my treatment I went through all this back stuff and the loss of my ability to work, etc and things have gotten much much worse. I have been having severe anxiety/panic attacks, nightmares, lack of sleep, and severe depression. There was a few weeks this month that were espescially hard for me and I didn't get out of my bed at all. I laid in bed and didn't really eat, didn't shower, didn't get dressed... I was too overwhelmed and depressed. I cried hysterically for no reason.

After that I finally decided to get back in to see my therapist and doctor. I am now going to be going to my therapist once a week for a while and I saw the psychiatrist wednesday. He says based on my records from the year before and what I am saying now he feels comfortable diagnosing me with PTSD and major reccurent depressive disorder. ICK!

So I am on a new antidepressant called Pristiq and he gave me lunesta to help me sleep. He also gave me some Ativan to take as needed for my severe panic attacks or anxiety. I feel a little on the "crazy" side now but I hope I start to feel better soon. I'm tired of being so depressed all the time.

I notice too that when I'm really depressed I feed it with junk food and all things bad for me. I definately drink more (tho not to the excessive point) and I smoke a lot. Hopefully as I go through my treatment I will find that I am eating healthier and hopefully be able to quit smoking again.

I'm hoping the meds kick in soon...
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