What a year it has been. And it's flown by so fast. Is it really the end of the year already? Are the holidays really upon us?
(Note: after re-reading this blog I see that is has turned into a piss and moan session for me. So don't feel obligated to read on. I just needed to vent!)
I haven't started feeling the spirit of it all just yet. The holidays this year have lost their luster for me. I'm just not feeling it!! Does this make me a bad person? A humbug of sorts?
My family is all spread all over the USA and it's hard to get together. Hubby's parents have passed on. We have a daughter in Alaska and one near by. But they have grown and are now coming into their own lives. Not much time for the folks any more. W/ new extended families these kids have to spread themselves out with the parents and step parents and the families of their significant others, I know it stressful on them too. So this year we find ourselves alone, just the hubby and I for Thanksgiving. No sense in cooking a huge traditional dinner for just us. Hubby plans to hunt all day anyway.
Maybe I'm just feeling lonely, a bit sorry for myself. (self pity really is very unbecoming) I hear of all the preparations my friends are making to be w/their families. I'm stuck w/just myself. Yea, sounds like a self pitying humbug to me!!! Although if I look back at the year that has passed, I really don't have much to be humbugish about. Yea there have been some down times, but the up times should have cancelled those out. Don't ya think?
A look back at my year...
I started a new job at the beginning of the year. For the same company, just at a different location. One that brought us closer to home. One that gave us lots of working hours. Enough overtime to afford us the money to build our dream home. That's a good thing!!!
We struggled with the bank to get the loan to build the house. We interviewed several contractors. All coming in a bit to high for the banks liking. It did not look like we were going to make it happen. But a family member stepped in and said the he and his buddies could build our house to our budget. WOO HOO! we are getting our house. Any one that has built a house knows it's anything but woohoo. It is exciting and stressful at the same time. It is moving along but not to the point of where we want to be... Patience humbug lady, patience! I'm trying!... If all goes well from this point on, we may be moving in around February. That's good too right?
With the new job came complications with a semi old foot injury. A lot of time on my feet has caused pain. Pain that will never leave because the injury went un-cared for for too long and will never heal right. My own fault, I'll deal. And I do without much complaining. It's just hard some days.
Than the bad mammogram and a biopsy the year before. Good news, no cancer. Lets check it again in six months. ( brought us to this year) "Oh we've found some more areas that are questionable, we will have to check again in six more months". Now that made for a long six months wondering. BUT it all turned out well. "Everything looks stable and there have been no changes". WHEW! Now that's good news!
Hubby had back surgery in oct. Did not go well for him. Complications that kept him in the hospital more than he was out for the month of October. Worry, worry, worry! I missed a lot of time from work. I worked long hours when I was there. I got very little sleep. I ate on the run and felt like crap for it. But what could i do. I had to care for my man!! It took it's toll! That part is now over. But now that he feels better, he thinks he is invincible and has not followed the doctors orders AT ALL. AND he can't understand why is still has so much pain!!! MEN!! Any one that know me knows I have to voice my opinion to him. BUT It just makes me a nag!! So I have tried to wash my hands of it, bite my tongue and try not care! I think what tics me off the most is that because of his ignorance the surgery may not have "took". We will see in December when he has his follow-up with the doctor. IF he screwed it up because of his stubbornness, than all of this crap we went through was for nothing. AND the medical bills that we have already paid and the ones that are sure to come, will be a waste of our money!!! Money that could be used to build this house! To add insult to injury he is off work for at least six months. So I have to work my hindend off to keep up on the bills. Does this sound selfish on my part for thinking this way? Who knows? It does put a strain on our marriage at times.
Those are just the big things. The things that have really put a bee in my bonnet. Add all the small things in and it has put me in a funk! I know I should concentrate on all the good that has happened this year and let go of all the crap. It's easier said than done. But I will, as a good friends says, (try to) Keep my eye on the prize! I just need to get through this holiday. A better year is bound to come.