Out of balance and need to take back control
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Since starting my weight loss journey 11 months ago, something I have become more and more aware of is just how many areas of my life are seriously out of balance. Everywhere I look, there are extremes, most resulting from my own lack of self-discipline.
too much excess weight
too many bills/debt
too much "stuff"
too much to do
too much STRESS
too little energy
too little money
too little time
too little organization
too little BALANCE
I've had enough already!
Five months ago, I tackled the top of the list. I had adjustable gastric band surgery to deal with my chronic obesity, which I was never able to get under control on my own before. For the first time in my life, I feel more in control - not perfect (and probably never will be) but actively making progress and no longer leaving the outcome to chance. I know there are varying opinions on bariatric surgery, but believe me, this was not taking "the easy way out" - what it did was provide a tool - an opportunity for me to take back control. It requires hard work and dedication every single day, but I am doing it - I am losing the excess weight and gaining energy, strength, and health. The band has tipped the scale (pardon the pun!) in my favor and now long-term success is within my grasp.
Now it's time to tackle the other items on the list.
I learned today that, barring a miracle, we will be filing bankruptcy and losing our home. After an 8-year slide backward, we have hit bottom with no where else to go. It's devastating - I can't believe this is my life. It seems surreal. But after deep contemplation about this, I am coming to terms with it and realize that this is the financial equivalent of obesity, and bankruptcy just might be the "surgery" we need to get on track. It's like the "band" that will constrain us financially and provide the opportunity to take back control. Please don't misunderstand. I am not glorifying bankruptcy. This also is not the "easy way out" - it is going to be one of the most difficult things we ever go through and will require hard work and dedication. But it is an opportunity for redemption - to take back control, start making progress, and do it right this time.
Eventually, we will be moving from our four bedroom home to a much smaller rental. With this will come the final purging of all the extra "stuff" that clutters up our home and our lives. A lot of it we could live happier without, and maybe if we would have said "no" originally, we wouldn't be in the situation we're in now. It is all life-draining - taking our time and money to manage and keep up. I'm ready for it all to be gone. I long for simplicity now.
I know none of this is going to be easy - neither is losing weight - but it has to be done. Just like I had fears before surgery, I am nervous now, wondering if I have what it takes to do the "heavy lifting" that is coming ahead. I wonder what the outcome will be. I wonder how my kids will adjust to the changes. One baby step at a time, and I will get through this.
It is said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think I'm going to be pretty ripped when I get on the other side of this.