Being honest with myself

Monday, November 16, 2009

I've noticed the changes that are taking place in me since I've begun to gain weight back. It was so much fun and exciting with I first started to realize the changes happening when I was losing weight. The little things like feeling that there wasn't as much fat around my elbows or feeling that my face was slimmer or even being able to tell my hips were not so prominent. Well, in the same way I could tell I was losing weight, I now can tell I'm putting it back on and it hurts me to think that I've not been as honest with myself about this.

I've blamed personal struggles and a difficult job, but the fact is that if I'd used those negative things and put them into a workout, I may have ended up feeling better about things. But I didn't. I basically gave up and let myself go. I've not looked at my scale in months. I've been afraid to see what it says, so I've just told myself it couldn't have moved that much. When my mom asked how much I've gained back, I've made estimations of 10 pounds or so...but the truth...that number is closer to 20. I know some of it is water weight that will go away quickly with time, but when I stepped on that scale this morning and saw that number. I was horrified. I told myself I wouldn't go back to that. I told myself that when I started to see that number go up I'd do something about it. And the truth is, that for as much as I've told myself I'll make a difference, I've not been fighting for it yet. My workouts continue to be scattered. I have good intentions when I write down my calorie intake for breakfast, but I don't follow through the rest of the day. The sugars call my name at 10 at night and instead of finding something else to do with my time, I go for the kitchen. I am disappointed in myself. I was named a SparkPeople Motivator at one time and people were telling me they looked to me for motivation and inspiration. I've let myself down.

Now this may sound like a pitty party, but honesty really is the best medicine for me right now. Being tough on myself is the best medicine. So, I'm going to change my progress scale to truely reflect where I am in my weight loss even though it pains me to see the "I lost 40 pounds with SparkPeople" picture next to it. I will leave that, because it is true. At one time I did it and I will do it again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You've done it before and you can do it again! The hardest part is knowing that we're doing the wrong thing and trying to ignore it. You're facing it and doing something about it now.
    3140 days ago
    Honesty is the first right step for success map. Now you will focus on what you really need and how to get it. You just made the decision GO FOR IT!!!! you are STRONG enough to get it.
    3141 days ago
    Thank you - I needed to hear that someone else is having the same struggle as me - THAT'S why you were names Motivator - you've gone through the stuggle and continue to go through the stuggle.

    The last 2 months have been hard for me - just standing still and not really going anywhere, but I know if I'm not careful, that scale will go up.

    Thank you for sharing.
    3141 days ago
    It is good to see someone else is having to be honest with themselves. I wracked on the weight when I got pregnant... And no it wasn't just pregnancy weight. I ate what I felt like and exercised slim to none. You are an inspiration.... Just find that motivation. Look at pictures of you before the 20lb gain. That is what I am trying to do, and I gained 30 after the intial baby weight came off.
    3141 days ago
    You are being honest with yourself that the first step. Now you know what you have to do. We are here to help each other ane encourage each other. YOU CAN DO THIS. Don't worry about the past thats over just look forward.
    3141 days ago
    You can't change what you don't realizing it's time for change is the best thing you can do. The next thing is ... to start. Just start. You know the drill, you have the information, put it back into play and start the ball rolling again. You will get back there again, You can do this...soo...start :)
    3141 days ago
    GOOD FOR YOU!!! After all, as you know, we are the only ones who can make the effort and change. I wish you the best.
    3141 days ago
    Honesty is the first step, so be proud that you've achieved that much! You are aware that there are things you need to change, now comes the change. You'll have to decide one day to go all in again, which is what I'm also wrestling with. I've stuck to using the site every day and tracking my nutrition, but frankly, my fitness for the last month and a half has been entirely lacking. I know this is a problem, and I know I need to restart, but it's a matter of making that decision to JUST DO IT! We are all in this together, so don't give up hope! You're here and you're being honest with yourself, and us. You WILL be able to take that next step, but it's going to have to be when YOU decide to.
    Good luck and Best wishes! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3141 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.