Starting new...and strong :) Attempt #1 million.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This time I know I'm gonna do it. After countless times of losing weight, gaining weight, gaining more, and even more than that, I'm done putting my mind, body, and soul through an emotional rollercoaster. I've lost weight before and I know how good it feels to know that I accomplished this arduous task of taming my inner demons. This time is the winner. And it's not gonna last for just a week or a month, it's gonna be forever. My sister, my boyfriend, my family, and this site give me all the motivation I need. That strength has always been there, but I've been told I could be quite stubborn haha. Seriously though, my determination and perseverance will last forever. I don't want to grow older being unhappy with how my legs look in jeans or how my tummy sticks out in ways it should not be allowed to. How I look physically does matter to me, but not as much as how I feel internally. I want to be able to do things I never thought I could do. I want to be able to do things without thinking that I'm the center of criticism or judgement. I want to be able to be myself without having my outer exterior stop me. My inner voice is speaking far louder than the negative voice that has been haunting me for years. This time I've won the fight. It may only be the beginning, but my mind has been made up. I'm sick of using my weight as a shield protecting me from people hurting me or failing me in some way. I'm gonna conquer my worst enemy. I can blame others, situations, and let downs in my life, but the enemy has always been deadly close. It's been me. I've stopped myself from doing things. I've let myself feel the million negative feelings I have felt for years. That's over. The strong and confident person that has been locked up and suffocated is coming out now for good. No more "I'll do it tomorrow" or "Just one more time". The time is now and there is no deadline. In the end, the way you are is a choice. I'm finally making that choice today. No more excuses. No more poor choices. Your strength and motivation is right there. Just use it. Exercise and eat good. Just do it. I can do it. I know I can.
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